Getting it out of your system

You may need to see a counselor with that type of behavior. The problem with masturbation and porn is that it's never enough. As an addict you will always want more. Fantasy leads to masturbation, which leads to porn, which leads to more acting out. You know your triggers, avoid them. But the big lie is that you have to release or you will act out. You don't have to release, you can actually hold it. Other men here are doing that, and you can too.

 

bipolar. Sounds like you may be having manic episodes with your acting out. Are you taking any meds? My mom is bipolar and swears by lithium. I went about 6 months with no porn at all, but regular MO to release and get to sleep. But it would always lead to porn relapse when the opportunity was too great (like a business trip). Now that I've learned to abstain from both, I am actually sleeping better than I ever did and able to go on trips without acting out.

 

30 and also had issues for years and years with sex workers. Used to have good weeks of not seeing any then would relapse HARD spending more money than if I had just seen a couple escorts during the week. It really messes your brain up because you start seeing the 'holding in the urge' as a bad thing because the relapses are so hard.

Never saw escorts for sex, was always fetish related stuff. Of course they didn't give me any kind of discount for not having full sex! Was blowing hundreds a month at one point. Sad as I am at the stage in life where I need to be saving money.

What's changed it all for me is a simple piece of software pre-installed on all iPhones called "screen time". Using screen time I have blocked communication (texts and calls) with any unknown numbers outside of my contacts, restricted the creation of new contacts, blocked escort directory sites and blocked access to my banking apps until after 11pm every day. Along with not taking my wallet out with me this has finally stopped the escort addiction. I was developing all kinds of depression and self-hatred with how much I was compulsively spending on these women.

I have used password locker site to encrypt a 4 digit screen time PIN which is not memorable and requires a 20 minute puzzle to reveal the code. Deliberately locked myself out of the recovery email address I gave to Apple so I can't "hack" it via that route either.

Now the last few weeks the worst thing I do is watch porn for a couple hours in the evening or worst case scenario buy some fetish pictures from FB girls. If this gets out of hand I will block paypal sites too using the mighty Apple screen time!

 

The "Searching Frenzy" is real!! Its a huge part of the addiction for me. It started with visiting my local "red light" area on foot, cruising for girls, that buzz of excitement when you spot a sex worker on the corner, sizing her up, is she attractive, etc. In the dark too, aura of mystery etc. Fuck me, those nights really started this whole thing for me. $20 encounters with these women, the random chance of who I would meet, the cat and mouse with law enforcement patrols in the area, not getting seen handing over money to any girls, the adrenaline, going back to their place, telling them about my secret kinks. Damn. I don't know how any dude in my position could NOT get addicted to that shit. After a childhood of repression and shyness/extreme social anxiety, cruising for hookers was like a crazy wild ride for me!

I moved town and lost the red light area in the process, so the addiction moved online where inevitably more money was involved, and more potential for scammers/women who don't look anything like their pictures/ripoffs. That's when it went downhill. There was a certain authenticity and vulnerability about finding sex workers on the street which felt more natural to me. Meeting escorts off of websites never felt natural. But it was all I had.