Get rid of toys?

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by evanbook03, Mar 26, 2019.

  1. evanbook03

    evanbook03 Fapstronaut

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    *Spoilers*

    So I'm currently working through recovery from compulsive sexual behaviour, and now porn too. Been trying to abstain from compulsive sexual behaviour for a long time, and had mixed success with some pointed failures. I'm married and I've cheated on my wife, generally with other men in high risk/anonymous ways. Voyeurism, exhibitionism, just about anything, I've been into it. Recently decided that the root of the sexual acting out is porn,which I had been trying to just "cut back on," to predictable results. During the course of my acting out, I grew to enjoy anal penetration, and I got some toys to use for this. My wife knows I have them, and doesn't really have an objection to them, if not excitement. Anyway, my question is, do you think I should get rid of any/all sex toys? I didn't use them exclusively for acting out, and I'm not sure if anal stuff is something I just like, or something that I grew to become addicted to, like everything else. Appreciate any thoughts or input from anyone. Thanks for reading
     
    starsky2 and Pepezapallito like this.
  2. Judas Johnson

    Judas Johnson Fapstronaut

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    Anal stimulation is pleasurable becaus3 of the prostate. Will your wife use your toys on you during sex?
     
  3. evanbook03

    evanbook03 Fapstronaut

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    No, she doesn't have any interest in that sort of thing. I used to use them when I'd masturbate almost every time, so I feel like I associate it with bad behaviour but I'm not sure if it would fall under something that I'm into just because of addiction, or if it's something I'm naturally into
     
  4. Judas Johnson

    Judas Johnson Fapstronaut

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    Can you masterbate without using your toys?
     
  5. StarvingSparrow

    StarvingSparrow Fapstronaut

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    I would say try going 2-4 weeks without any kind of seeking of sexual acts except maybe with your wife and then after the 3 weeks try giving that attention to her and see how that affects your relationship. I'm not into anal at all... its disgustingly painful for me so I can't give you much advice on that but you don't need toys really to be satisfied.
     
  6. evanbook03

    evanbook03 Fapstronaut

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    I can, yes, but if I have the ability to, I historically will always use them when I do. My orgasms are noticeably different with them
     
  7. evanbook03

    evanbook03 Fapstronaut

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    That's my plan right now, I'm not doing anything sexual unless my wife initiates it for at least the next 30 days. Curious to see how I feel at the end of that period
     
  8. If you really want to recover, throw them all away. This is not right nor fair to your wife. As long as you have those items associated with what you did then you will always relapse easier. But that depends on what you want
     
  9. evanbook03

    evanbook03 Fapstronaut

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    This is what I'm leaning toward, I think it's too much of a link to my previous behavior, regardless of the merit or lack thereof of anal stimulation
     
    fiddler and Maninsearchofasoul like this.
  10. Throw them away. I can't see any need to explain that, since the guys above are right. It's good that you noticed the problem. Try abstaining from sex entirely for longer.

    And, man, just love your wife more, because it sounds like you're having sex with her for your own pleasure. She's like a tool, then. I'm not trying to be harsh here, and maybe I'm seeing it the wrong way. But if I'm right, let this be your wake-up call.
     
    evanbook03 likes this.
  11. getsetwild

    getsetwild New Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, one can masturbate without sex toys.
     
  12. Pepezapallito

    Pepezapallito Fapstronaut

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    Hola, el poder no está en los juguetes, el poder está en usted en decir NO a las viejas costumbres que te hacen daño. En la primer etapa sirve privarse o aislarse de los disparadores mentales pero a la larga o a la corta vas a tener que enfrentarlo. Vivimos en un mundo lleno de pornografía y demas, así q saca el poder a esos objetos, saca el poder al internet, tú puedes decidir siempre siempre siempre puedes decidir tu estado de animo. Suerte
     
  13. StarvingSparrow

    StarvingSparrow Fapstronaut

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    Translated:

    Hello,

    The toys don't have control over you. The truest strength is the power you have in saying NO to old habits that are harmful to you. The first step of course is to distance ourselves from mental triggers but in the long or even short run, we are going to have to confront them. We live in a world full of pornography so therefore we can only do everything we can to take power away from physical objects (like toys), the internet, etc. You can always decide and assume control of your physical state.
     

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