I'm not feeling good. Since a few days I'm barely hanging out, still continuing with healthy habits and positive thinking but... it's getting harder. My mind is trying to convince me that I failed. That I'm not good enough for certain things. For example - having a girlfriend. I met a great girl on online dating site, she seemed like a perfect match for me. We could talk with each other for hours. I enjoyed it. She was also incredibly beautiful... Few months passed and we still not met. I feel like I wasted a great chance for creating something serious... It's not the first time - because of my lack of action I wasted many opportunities to actually form a bond with girls. Porn consumption led me to complacency and low motivation, I was too afraid to approach any girl I really liked. What can I say, it seems like it's the end. My mind is telling me that I will not be able to drive to the unknown city on my own, take her to some cafeteria or a bar and... talk with her. I'm tired and sick of seeing my former crush with other guy, knowing that I f*cked up again. I'm lonely. For the first time since I can remember I would like to feel the touch of the other person, have opportunity to talk about issues and... just have someone around. I'm not longer numbed by the porn, I want to live in a real world... I'm frustrated, blocked from the inside. I'm stuck at this same cycle. Yeah, my life changed for a better since my last conscious jerking-off session and I appreciate it, but still, I would like to make another step forward. Get a job, gain some money and independence and form a romantic relationship... I tried with the job but... I think it was too much and my nervous system couldn't handle this. Today I cried like a baby, collapsed on the floor, feeling just mentally destroyed. I'm afraid that I will do something stupid like relapsing. I can't cope with my feelings. Maybe it's pointless, maybe I'm just cursed to live this way. Six months passed, everything went smoothly up to this point. Maybe it's just a test. I will try my best to keep going, but I haven't felt like this in a long time. Is there any hope for me?
