I realized today, after a 3 day binge, that my problem was my state of mind and inner attention to who I really am. I had lost touch 100% of any kind of inner spiritual being. I was trying to resist the call of the Sirens with some show of will power that I already knew I didn't have. Forget about will power and resistance, it's just not me. And when it didn't work, on day 2 and 3 I just said "fuck it", you're not cut out to quit. Also a lie. I recovered mentally, at least for today, and remembered that I have no other job when temptations come than to remember, and become as aware as possible of the spiritual being I already am. "It" doesn't really want to PMO because it sees no significant value in it and isn't interested in the illusion of the temporary dopamine boost. It wants actual serenity and peace, deep serenity that lasts. All I have to do is take a deep breath and find that guy again, just FIND him, not fight some kind of battle against the forces of lust. I already know, I'll lose that one. I need to be always on the hunt for my interior spiritual part. Others may not have or need that, but I'm lost without it. And I need to accept that fact. "We neither fought, nor ran. We stood and accepted. And having accepted, we found new freedom". ~Bill W.
Great post. Practice mindfulness; realise you are not your thoughts, and observe them from a distance. Very powerful and shows that it's always a choice.
YES!!! I thought I was practicing mindfulness, but I was only going as deep as my neck. Mindful of the battle, the obsession, the tits on the girl at Starbucks. In the last couple of days I've tried to use all that as a prompt to "turn inward, stop fighting and find the inner presence . . . like a Siamese twin, he's there, just quietly waiting for me to notice him".
Once in a while I feel reality "intruding" during fapping, I have to close the door on it, even hold it closed so I can finish . . . pathetic.
