For the fresh start..

So I have been stressed up a lot lately. It is not that the problem is chronic. But I want to put an end to it..because I feel somewhere deep within I have lost the ability to recognise the true value of relationship. My perception of a woman that I just meet and my friends is making me worry. I am becoming more of a lust driven sex deprived mechanical instrument who just puts his bodily desires before anything else. I want to change this because I have realised today that even if I am not chronic(once every 2-3 days) I am starting to be one. In the past few days I fell in the vicious cycle of pmo. Now there is a celebrity who I am unable to get rid off from my head. Which is really really scary because I am scared that I would just be happy to stay in the virtual world and never come to the real world where I am preparing for an exam of my life. So I pledge to make myself a gentleman again and no matter what happens in the coming future I will stick to the NoFap challenge. For all the great woman who were behind me who nurtured me who supported me, this is the smallest possible gift that i can give back. #nofap

 

Day 1
Night time is the most vulnerable time for me. So I will post in the night everyday so that I will get the willpower to go an inch towards my goal.
Why do I want this? I will answer this question everyday.
Lately I have observed that pmo is not actually a problem for many people in this world. That is because their personality has accepted pmo as a part of their life. They are what they are and they don't find a big deal in pmo which defines their personality. I am not judging good or bad just that they are the other side of coin. Many others are very much spiritual orthodox in their life that they don't even fall into this cycle of pmo. I was brought up in an orthodox family where I had a great guide in my mother and sister. They were the two women who taught me that women needed to be treated with respect. So even if I had the attraction to opposite sex it was always temporary and it was more natural and biological. But now I have become so much mechanical and I couldnt resist looking at woman as an object of satisfying my desire. Every stranger that I see my eyes just go down for their assets instead of looking into their eyes.
The thing is that I fell into the vicious cycle of pmo and gradually I have developed a second personality which gives more importance to the lust and makes me more sexually deprived. This is the personality that drives me masturbate watch porn and this personality has altogether created a psuedo life for me in which I imagine many ways in which I will have sex with opposite gender. Including my friends (this is where it made me feel most guilty about pmo) my second personality imagines their deeds of love towards my first personality as something lust driven and that drives me once every two to three days to jerk. This is something my first personality cannot accept at all. Eventually after my second personality makes me do things my first personality feels very very bad. I am a guy who thinks women should have equal rights and I am the guy who thinks of my best friend having sex with me. See this clash between my two personalities has taken my character to a ocean deep low. My first personality which was a result of 21 years of my growth is the personality I want to keep with me, I strive to be that person always and I want to embrace my second personality which is a result of just 5 years of my recent growth but I want to get rid of it. So I want to use this platform to let my thoughts out and explain my second personality why he is wrong and why he should merge with first personality
That is why i said at the beginning pmo is not a thing to worry about for those people whose personality is lust driven. But for me I should choose between one and I know I love to be the person who understands the problems of his woman and can create a better place for her on this world and also in his mind.
Hence day 1 into nofap. Will not stop till I get rid of pmo