Focus during sex

First get out of your fantasy world. Stopping porn is just the start. You have to stop thinking about the porn, which is actually harder. Reject all fetishes, fantasies, idols and memory's of the above and replace it with anything else, hopefully your wife.

 

I can't say this for sure because I've never tried it specifically for this issue ... but it sounds like the type of thing a meditation practice would be helpful for.

If we think of meditation as nothing more than "the practice of being in the present moment," then it makes sense that it could be useful. When someone's mind drifts in meditation, they are encouraged to recognize it without judgment, and gently bring themselves back to the present (or their breath, or whatever).

I obviously wouldn't call sex a meditative act, exactly ... but if I found my mind drifting with a real partner, it feels like the best course of action would be to recognize it without judgment (as euphoric recall is just a reality we have to deal with), and bring myself back to focusing on her.

 

Sorry, I didn't notice your counter badge. What do you mean euphoric stuff? I'll admit I'm not very good at this, but learning to discipline my mind not to recall porn has helped me to get out of that mental state when I'm with her. One thing I'm really not good at is talking during sex, but I think that would help. Tell her how you love her but also that you love how this feels, or how she touches you, or any of the sexy talk that men don't seem to good at, but turn women on. Ask her how she wants to be touched. There's vulnerability with that, so that's why it's so hard for me.