Fitter. Happier. More Productive.

Day…10? 11? I’m losing track. Feeling good about the progress I am making. I feel more present, more focused… fitter, happier, more productive. I don’t think I’ve ever gone this long without masturbating…. Not that I can remember, at least. I’ve also found over this past week that my thoughts regarding PMO are becoming less frequent. Every time it has started to worm in there, I have been able to immediately recognize what is going on in my mind and shut it down.

I read on one of the other threads about men wanting to feel desired… And that a lot of times sex for men isn’t even necessarily about the sex, but about wanting to feel wanted. That really struck a chord with me. I know for me personally, self-esteem issues have always played an oversized roll in my life. Fear of rejection. Lack of confidence. Low self-worth. When you’re suffering from these things, you are desperate for validation- for someone to provide you with the reassurance that you ARE desired. I know I have felt frustrated and rejected in the past because my SO didn’t initiate sex. I felt like I was always the one who had to pursue… and that can really have a deflating effect on a man’s ego. A guy suffering from low self-confidence is more likely to try and fill that void of confidence by looking for validation from others- and that can often mean through sex. And when men begin looking for validation through sex, things start going all wrong. Your priorities become skewed and it is no longer about sharing intimacy with your partner- it becomes a way to prove to yourself that you’re a ‘man’. The motivations behind the sex become completely selfish, and I think our SO’s very quickly pick up on that. They realize that the intimacy isn’t there, so they naturally become less interested and are less willing to initiate… why should they? The sex is all about you and stroking your ego!

Fiance and I had sex Monday and Tuesday… and I caught myself wondering yesterday if we would have sex again last night. I shouldn’t be ‘wondering’ about it… I shouldn’t have any anxiety over whether or not we will or we won’t. It was a sobering reminder of how I have viewed sex in the past and how I would fret over how often we were having it.