First of all, I'm not English speaker, so sorry if I do some big mistakes. It has been a tough year, well, just 6 months. I already passed all my subjects from the first quarter. I moved from my little town, to other city far away from my home, and at the same time, i found out about pmo and i have been trying it, some months more than others. The reason why I always fall is the same, I feel rejected by my university partners. At the beginning everything was fine, I was the friend of everyone and I even slept with a girl in her apartment. Untill oneday that everything fell. The girl which I was flirting became from my joy to make me feel like shit. I'm not rich at all, so im kinda short of money some days of the month, so oneday, we were just walking with other friend, and they said about going to the cinema and I couldn't go because I couldn't allow it and they know it because im always the same and I already told them, so they say, "Let's invite (name of other friend) and if he says no, we invite(I don't know exactly how to say it on English, but they mean to pay his ticket) him", in front of me, the same girl that was hugged to me while we were sleeping, just 10s after I told them I didn't had money, so in that moment I decided to go far from them, that was the last thing they would make again(not the first nor the second... it became very toxic from before) . I never understand what happened, but like I'm on informatics engineering, there is few girls and the group that we formed she was in there, so words of the friend that was closer to us, " you know, there is few girls here, so if we choose the girl over you no wonder why", so little by little, all of I considered "friends" were getting far from me, letting me alone in the classes once all groups were formed and I couldn't join anywhere else. So I just could isolate from the world, it happened 3 or 4 months, and everything keeps the same. I try to be the happier I can, but when I can only talk with my roommates, a little by night is so sad and frustrating so I end up looking for some comfort on porn or any other bullshit. The last christmas, I returned home, and I almost cried when I saw my parents, and I did cry when I met with my old friends, I really needed that warm feeling of someone caring about you. But I must finished my year, (only 2 more months). I don't know if someone would ever read this, with all my grammar fails and misspelling, or if someone would care, I just needed to talk of this with someone else, I can't even tell this to my closest friends because that would be very pathetic from me. I mean, not even me can stand the idea of walking in silence and be quiet all day, when I'm not shy, I just feel lost, confused and alone.