first time user

hello, all.

I'm not super sure how this works, but I'm new to the actual nofap site. At one point I was on the reddit forum, but that didn't last long. I'm 25 y/o, and I've been trying to quit porn since I was like 12. I grew up (and still am) Christian in a conservative part of the country. My family was fairly liberal politically, but we never talked about sex/porn/masturbation at all in my house. As a result, I've always been very ashamed of any "inappropriate" expression of sexuality. For example, I hated myself for masturbating at all as a teenager, regardless of whether or not porn was involved.

Another legacy of my childhood is that I grew up without constant internet access. I looked up porn when I could, but for the most part, I was (in retrospect, happily) porn-free. I've taken that up again recently--I have no internet at my apartment--but because I can't stop watching anymore I've been driven to watch in public (locking myself in my office, sitting in corners, etc.), which is inevitably going to put me in a disastrous situation.

I'm starting this account hours after a massive, like, 5-hour-long relapse because I feel devastated and alone. I really want to make a lasting change in my life, and I want to believe that I can. Anyway, bummer. Good to be here, I suppose . I'm not really sure what to say or ask for, and I'm a little leery of talking to anonymous internet people (again, no internet as a kid). If nothing else, it feels good to get this off my chest. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.