First serious attempt NoFap 18 years addicted

Hey y’all,

I’ve had a sex addiction for 18 years and I’m finally admitting it to myself.

I’ve wasted years of my life living in a fantasy world I’ve become a dull person that no one finds admirable.

People ask me to talk about myself and what I do on my days off or what are your hobbies but I can’t be honest, because I am a sex addict.

from 15 to 18 I spent house after school no doing homework just stuck on tube sites.

from 18 to 25
Still living with parents but having more liberties and time off. If I wasn’t in school or working I was watching porn. I remember the summer Omegle came out I spent at least 6 hours a day hoping to find a girl to jerk off for. The rush of finally finding one of hours of searching was like nothing else.

not only was the duration bad then I started venturing into the trans porn.

When the porn wasn’t brought I graduated to massage parlors. The rush of possible being caught adding on the the pleasure. I would spending hours researching the best parlors.

The parlors became expensive of a hobby so I graduated to hooking up with trans women who would host parties. Scoring in a trans event was to easy, they look like females but wanted to fuck like men.

then the sexual oreintion concerns started popping up. Why do I like looking at penises so much. So you start watching gay porn to see if that causes a reaction and of course it does.
But you don’t find men attractive just their penises in real life.

so you start to go to mutual masterbation events cause they are cheaper then the parlors and happen more often then the trans nights.
So now I’m having to get drunk to go to these group jerk off events and the rush is appealing then you do glory holes.

now you develop a taste for oral sex with men but don’t find them attractive with out their clothes off and you are grossed out and ashamed of what you are doing but you continue to look at it online and it still gets you off. The cycle dies stop.

alm the while I’ve had girlfriends through all these periods and for the last 7 years I’ve been using ed pills with women. The gay porn and gay cruising happens between girlfriends.

up untill my last girlfriend that hit me hardest. Then I releapse the worst I have ever and nothing is satisfying enough and everything causes shame.
Sissy porn, female transwoman escorts, massage parlors, cuckold fantasy, gloryholes, jerkoff parties, blowjob parties, anal masterbation, all the whole fucking multiple women a week without condoms.


I’ve wasted so much of my life all the money, time, shame, secrets and confusion.

I see people my age accomplish so much while I spent alm the time playing with my dick and finding new places to put my dick in.

I feel like such a loser.

 

I want to be able to fill my hours when I’m
Not with a girlfriend with friends and hobbies.

I don’t want my itch fur rubbing one out Turning into a full day adventure where a research for hours for a party a parlor and after not only wasting the day instantly regretting it.
If it was for porn the idea of men would not cross my mind.
I would want sex to be with some one you care about or at least tolerate and find enjoyable. Not a complete stranger
Thats is filtered though the size of their body parts.

intellectually I know what I said is a healthy description of a sex life.

But my brain says fuck whatever lets you fuck and what produces the biggest orgasm in the least amount of time.

thanks I appreciate it.