Having a tough time tonight. Attended another session of couples therapy with husband today--as usual, that stirred up the emotions; I felt happier before I arrived. Despite that, had some satisfying sex earlier this evening together and now husband is sound asleep--however here I am, tempted to start looking at P again or just go to the bathroom and get myself off sans P. My initial trigger was seeing the "in private browsing" option come up while researching an unrelated topic this evening and feeling tempted to click on it (I posted in off-topic asking if anyone knows how to get rid of this option) I am trying to slow down and take time to observe my feelings and why I feel the urge to PMO or just MO: I feel anxiety in general. I feel sad and hurt about the topics that arose today in therapy. I feel jealous about the other performers my husband looked up, and anxious about his apparent lack of insight into "why" he looked up and viewed or favored these particular performers--of course they couldn't be more opposite of me--which makes me feel plain and unwanted. so there it is. tempted to hurt and punish myself further with the very images that apparently gave my husband so much gratification, and have caused me nothing but shame and self loathing. However, I realize I do not deserve that, so I am here on nofap tonight instead. I just has a tiny epiphany. I think PMOing to the very images that have caused me so much pain give me some strange sense of control--even though I realize that actually makes no logical sense whatsoever. Just like when I feel the overwhelming urge to check up on my husbands online activities--it makes me feel as though I have some control over the situation, even though I don't actually have any!
Hi shores2009, How have you been doing since May 8th? I was wondering, what are your expectations? From this community and in general? I wanna share this with you. You don't have much control when it comes to the brain. Humans are irrational in their choices. When you want to start watching P at night, the brain releases proteins that just make you become blind ! You loose all sense of reasoning. But, with enough will it can be controlled. I invite you to look up for all the science behind addictions and ours specially. It will help you. By the way, it's a vicious circle. Watching P makes you anxious and depressive so what do you do? You watch P !! Isn't the human brain so f****** up ? Take back control ! Now, what do you mean by "I feel jealous about the other performers my husband looked up". Do you mean your husband watches P? If so, is this the reason of your therapy session? Does he consider quitting P? You know what.. If you feel the need to talk to someone about your problems related to this issue and maybe other but not too much, well I'm here and I'd gladly spend some time to answer you. I think talking to people is a great help. Besides it makes you spend your time on something else than P ! So, don't hesitate to send me a private message. See you soon and stay strong !
This might help you, even if it's probably more male centered. But there are common grounds with women :
