Finally free... I Quit porn forever

I have been addicted to porn since I was a kid. I started my journey with nofap in 2019, at the age of 21. it was really hard at times. I scored about 200 relapses. I had a very wide variety of streaks. I went through failures, downfalls. Sometimes I was on the straight and narrow. Sometimes I lost my will completely and thought about suicide. Sometimes I thought I would never get over my addiction. But I never gave up. Each time I did the same thing, I restarted the timer and counted each day again and regretted losing my streak. Time slowly passed and I kept fighting. Porn had destroyed my psyche. For it I was ready to drop everything when the desire came. I came up with all sorts of techniques to fight the porn, but they all proved ineffective in the end. On the one hand I really wanted to get away from it, and on the other I was suddenly destroying everything. Porn was destroying all the tools I had acquired to fight it. It was infiltrating me, I was like an ivy-covered person, inside. A slave. Porn was befriending me, sitting next to me when I was struggling and telling me it loved me. It tried to convince me that it would be with me forever and would break me every time it wanted to. I really didn't know what to do anymore, all I had was another try. Another, another, another, another, it was never ending. Even when I thought I was already on the straight and never going back to it, I was failing miserably. It was killing me. However, time has shown that all this was not in vain. The longer I practiced nofap, the further I moved away from porn. Today I look at porn as something very distant that has absolutely nothing to do with me. I am free. Over the course of a year I masturbated maybe 3-4 times, and I completely disliked it. It wasn't the same anymore. A lot has changed in my life, I have become a better person for myself and others. Today, if I like a woman, I respect her. I have everything that I had in my childhood. I am myself again. I am not afraid of anything. I fell in love with a girl, but seriously, like never before. I don't want to have sex with her or kiss her if she doesn't want it. I just want to be around her. I want her to feel comfortable. I want us to get to know each other better and better. I hope that someday a relationship will come out of this. I used to be completely different, incomplete. I didn't know that the kind of life I have now even existed. I am the way I always wanted to be. I want to cry because this is amazing, like a gift. I am so happy. I am crying right now with happiness. Today is the day. The day I declare victory, stop counting the days and continue my journey forever without porn. I would like to thank everyone individually for helping me, if it wasn't for this whole movement I would be lost forever. I wish everyone to succeed like I did.
Thank you.

 

Thank you all for your words. I'm now in the hospital since Tuesday (Pancreatis inflammation) and i'll tell you one thing. It's crazy, nofap is crazy. There are a lot of nurses here looking after me. They're all great and very nice and patient. I can feel strong feelings towards them. I have my favourites. I named one Chamomile and the other Mary, they're my favourites. Chamomile is young, tall girl with ponytails. She wears only yellow clothing and has a yellow make-up. She's very positive and sweet. We like to talk together. Mary is little older, she treats me like a son and is extremely nice and polite to me. She praises me when i wash myself and cares about me. There is also Francis here and my friend's mom, Margaret and lots of other nurses. I haven't orgasmed since 100 days and i can feel deep friendship and love towards them. Im really happy and im feeling great. Been smoking weed in toilet and everything is so fun here. Just quit porn and everything gonna be allright guys.