Finally! Day 90. After 10 years

I can’t believe that I’ve finally reached day 90, and I just had to share it. 90 days. I thought, I would never reach this day, but here I am!

My main motivation for doing this was PIED (or at least, very weak erections). I have suffered from this for many years, and it has definitely had a negative impact on my already limited sex life and dating life. I have seen significant improvements in this department, and I can actually get hard now, though my erections aren’t as hard as during my pre porn teenage years, and I still think, I’ve got healing to do. (Sorry, if this was too much info).

Other than that, I feel pretty great. I have more confidence than before. And even though I made a deal with myself, that I would wait until day 90 before starting dating, I’ve cheated a bit and started writing to some girls on a dating app. I couldn’t stop myself, and right now I’m writing with this really cute girl. I don’t want to get my hopes up, though, and I know that girls tend to be kind of flakey on these apps. But I very rarely could muster up the energy to write to someone, and now I’m just doing it with ease, no sweat.

In the last three months I’ve also started a lot of other good habits (not all at once). I’ve improved my training and diet significantly, and I wouldn’t be surprised, if I have a sixpack in 3-6 months (I’ve been training consistently for a year, but I haven’t cut back on the junk food until about 2 months ago).

I also got my phone addiction pretty much under control by deleting/deactivating or removing data from all the worst apps. I deleted Facebook and Instagram, deactivated Youtube (you can’t delete it, and normally you can’t even deactivate it – I used an app called ‘Activity Launcher’ to finally deactivate it, really annoying), and I removed data access for my browsers. Now my phone isn’t as interesting anymore, and I don’t really miss it. I used to constantly use Youtube for podcasts, videos, vlogs and music. Like ALL the time, almost 24/7, and now I haven’t been on Youtube for 30 days. This is a real game changer for me, maybe even bigger than Nofap. Now I fill up my time with a lot of reading instead. And I go out more, and I grab more opportunities to enjoy life.

Cold showers almost every day (done that for about a year now, not really a new habit).

And lastly, I’m really trying to nail my sleep. I read the book ‘Sleep’ by Nick Littlehales, and I implemented most of his suggestions. I bought a day light lamp, a special night lamp and a sunrise alarm clock. I shut off all devices and light (expect for my night lamp) an hour before bed, I wake up at the same time every day, and I go to bed at specific times to get a certain number of 90-minute sleep cycles. I feel so much more rested nowadays.

One of my most helpful tools was Gary Wilson’s book ‘Your brain on porn’ a couple of times to really motivate me and make me understand porn addiction. I also saw his TEDx talk several times. I was so sad to learn around day 30 that Gary passed away in 2021. It feels sad, when someone who had a big impact on your life dies (despite the fact that I never met the guy). What a brilliant man, he deserved a longer life.

Anyway, I just wanted to share my experience. I’ve been trying Nofap on and off for about 10 years, and it feels so nice, when you finally reach your goal. I don’t feel a need for P or M anymore, its completely off my radar at this point in time, and my fantasies now all involve me being with a girl, and not remembering a scene from a video featuring other people doing it. It makes no sense to me now that I didn’t even used to be in my own fantasies.

Well, good luck everyone.

 

Its hard to say. 30 days may sound like a lot, but I have been binging on Youtube daily for years now, so I still think its a bit too early to make final conclusions. I still have a lot of 'healing' to do.

On this early stage, however, I do feel that I have an easier time concentrating, especially at work. I think it ruins the ability to concentrate, when you constantly switch from video to video (and perhaps cycling between Instagram, Facebook, Youtube, Instagram, Facebook, Youtube etc.). It stresses the brain. And often I didn't even finish a video on Youtube. I had to find a new video, and I grew anxious if I didn't have a new video ready, when the current video was almost done. So I experience less anxiety and stress now.

Another much clearer benefit is more time. I have so much more time on my hands now. Usually I would get home from work, eat some easily prepared junk food and watch youtube for 3-4-5 hours and then do the most pressing chores and then go to bed (often falling alseep while listening to a Youtube video). I realize now that I neglected so many things that I now have the time for. I get a lot of reading done (I've already read 5 books this month, almost 6), I can prepare 'real' decent food and I do the dishes and make sure that my home is clean. I also hang out more with friends. I just get stuff done that I didn't have time to do before. its also easier to go to bed early - no more "just one more video before bedtime".

Finally, I also feel more motivated. I usually had to drag myself to the bathroom to take a shower (and spending 10 minutes on finding a video of decent quality and length that I could listen to while in the shower), now I just do it. Maybe motivation is the wrong word. I don't feel more motivated, I just don't need that much motivation.

I totally understand the aspects of learning stuff on Youtube. I have learned so much over the years on there about history, science, politics, finance, health, lifestyle etc., stuff that matters to me (it was on Youtube that I stumbled upon Gary Wilson's video on internet porn, which I'm grateful for). And sometimes you feel a connection to the content creators that you have followed for years (though its a onesided friendship, they have no idea, who you are). However, I think the negative aspects far outweigh the positive benefits of Youtube. Yes, you can learn so much, but you can also learn by reading books (and I think you delve much deeper into topics, when you read about them - I often heard the audio of a video without paying any attention). Ideally, you would watch some important videos once in a while, but I can't do that, at least not right now. I would just end up in a binge loop because of the almighty algorithm hijacking my primitive brain.

I can highly recommend deactivating Youtube on your phone. I have tried to detox so many times, but that red icon is so tempting that i always ended up failing. It would be like trying to quit porn with a Pornhub app on your phone (do they even have an app? Frankly, I don't wanna know at this point) or for an alcoholic to stop drinking with a cabinet full of liquor. For a moment, I became a bit emotional when the icon went missing - it was like parting with an old friend (and all the people that I followed on a daily basis on that platform). But I was surprised how easily I adapted to the new situation, once the icon was gone. Out of sight, out of mind. I don't even know, if I can activate the app again, and I don't care. If I ever really need to watch a video, I can just use my laptop.