Fighting HOCD and Porn Addiction

Hi Everyone,

Today I'm starting my non-PMO challenge, and I just thought I'd share a little bit about myself. I've been suffering from HOCD and porn-induced anxieties for about a year and a half now. When these thoughts of homosexuality started to cross my mind I had no clue what to do, it was such a shock to me as I've only ever loved women. I started to think I was becoming gay even though I have no desire or love for men or masculinity. This came as a huge surprise, it sent me spiraling further into depression, I went off my antidepressants and considered suicide everyday (coming very close to doing it the other week when I was terrified I had somehow become gay). I felt like my identity was being stolen from me, and that I'd never be able to love women ever again like I had in the past. I've learned alot of coping techniques to deal with the ocd and intrusive thoughts but I never thought porn would have been the heart of my problem (stupid me) so I continued to use it obsessively for about 3 years (the worst I watched was transgendered person porn which gave me such bad anxiety I was shaking). I'm hoping in time I can drop these intrusive thoughts, lose my anxiety and return to normal. Any tips or suggestions would be really appreciated. I think this community may be what I need to kick my ass into gear.

Thanks

 

Thank you for the kind response.

 

Well it makes you feel like you can't be who you are meant to be (straight) you know? Like your life isn't yours to live, its the anxiety the ocd and everything else that just consumes you. However I've been able to look at it realistically and know that its porn induced and hocd thats making me think I'm gay, which is not the same as actually being gay.

 

Thank you for the comment! Well its the hocd that makes you think you are something that you aren't. It creates a lot of stress and anxiety which make me doubt who I am, as for being bi I dont see it as a possibility as I am not attracted to men only women.

 

Thank you for your kind response! I’m gonna try my best to beat this habit! I’m hoping it works too!