Femdom Addiction; Help Needed.

It's not uncommon for P-preference to stem from some sort of earlier trauma, according to a lot of research done on the matter. That said, there are accounts of individuals who have recovered from exactly this.

One major thing to do here is recognize what leads you to seeking this in the first place. One of the obvious reasons is the dopamine in your brain and the craving for a hit that it'll naturally have. Hyperstimuli, especially of the digital kind, wreaks havoc on our primitive reward system. As these pathways are solidified, they become far more difficult to overcome. But, if you've had any amount of time free of it - congratulations that's one of the first steps. You've learned you can in fact do it. All you need to do is do it one day at a time. Don't think of a longer streak, just focus on keeping clean for today; the next fifteen minutes.

You'll likely find you need to seek out some professional help with this matter. Uncovering our trauma with a specialist is something that is absolutely vital towards recovery. It's not something the untrained person can do, nor should do especially if you do not know them or have any reason to trust them with what is deeply personal information. Once you figure out what this is, you can start to figure out a concrete 'Why' as to 'why' you need to abstain from this practice. Once you understand this, you'll have another tool you can use in recovery. Not only can you deal directly with the issue(s) at the core of the problem, you can use what you learn as you combat urges and intrusive thoughts later on. These will occur. There are neurochemicals specifically designed to override your sense of logic and rationality. A good book I've recently read that touches on this quite well is 'The Willpower Effect.' I highly recommend it, though you might find some of the other literature recommended here helpful as well.

As for virginity and penis size - it's a problem a lot of men deal with. That's simply how it is. Does it mean it's true? No: Your virginity is not a measure of your character, and neither is your wang size. If you're average I have great news for you - you're the same as 90% of the human population. If smallness was as much a problem as some people like to hyperfixate on, some of the largest populations on the planet wouldn't exist. Some food for thought.

A part of this, coming from personal experience, may involve taking greater steps to be kinder to yourself. Kinks happen but once it hits a point to where it's legitimately effecting you and your sense of self, it's time for some reflection. Again, I highly recommend a counselor or a therapist. They can help you far more than a stranger on a forum, no matter the potential credentials. (Or how many snazzy books they read.) There are some other users around here that have golden advice; I'll repeat one thing I heard from one of them.

For now, make it extremely inconvenient to do it. Keep your wallet in another room, erase your card information from your browser - make it an absolute annoying task in every possible way to pay. Consider deleting those clips you've purchased too, as those will no doubt come to haunt you as urges lurk. This'll be a difficult journey, but not impossible - I've seen men recover from worse off states. You might also consider not thinking of yourself doing that after college - as visualization is powerful whether its used for good or bad. If you just assume you're going to fail, I've got bad news: You probably will. So, take that into account. See if you can refocus, and that doesn't even mean you have to know what you're going to be doing at that point. Just what you're doing today, what you're doing tomorrow, or what your ideal self looks like. You're already going toe to toe with a dopamine addicted brain - don't add your conscious self to the list of foes you need to contend with right now.

A bit of a mishmash of information, but I hope it helps in some way. Keep at it, keep honest with yourself, and remember that no matter how much you struggle you are not your urges. You are not your dopamine cravings. You are you, and you can overcome this. I think at the end of the day, as you recover, you'll find out more about yourself. If you find a partner you're into things with, and you're healthy and in a good standing with yourself; go for it. What you do in your bedroom with your SO is your business. The last thing you need right now is shame - shame statistically will make it so that you encounter setbacks and are far more likely to relapse. The easiest thing to do is shame yourself. Try some self-kindness instead. It'll work wonders.

 

You're not alone. There is something uniquely appealing to femdom, it's not as "out there" as some think. I've used femdom porn in the past (face sitting, humiliation joi, etc), but once I cum from it I felt terrible shame.
Look at it this way, what you're doing is rewiring your brain to get arousal only from femdom porn. This will likely prevent you from having a normal home life one day, wife, kids, the whole package.
The way forward is to break the cycle. I'm only finishing day two, I'm no expert, but I know a LOT about PMO, my addiction goes back years. I can look back and plainly see what porn has done, the damage to mind and body. End this addiction now, while you're young, don't end up middle aged and porn addicted like me. Come here, get support, you're not alone.