I’ve been trying to make some female friends as I’ve had little to none over the years. I just want to talk to them & develop a friendship so I don’t have to keep looking at women as a sex object. Currently every young woman I see my eyes are always glued to them. It’s very weird, (but I’m self aware that I do it) and while no ones called me out for it I know that it’s not right to just keep staring, but I can’t help it. I want what all these people have that I don’t, a friendly relationship with women. It’s almost alien to me. I don’t really want advice on how to get that, I’m pretty sure I have a good idea on what I have to do, but this kind of behavior has turned me into a creep, and a social media stalker, and I need help.
Personally, I seem to have the opposite problem. I make friends with women easily, though they'd never date me or have sex with me. I have more trouble relating to and making friends with other men.
Meh, choosing friends based on gender doesn’t seem very good. What’s the point? If you choose friends based on who they are, you will find friends who are women as well as men. And the fact you are friends because of who they are, you would not be looking at them as an object, but rather a human being who has likes and dislikes, passions, hobbies, personalities etc. The simple act of wanting to be friends with a female because she is female, is automatically looking at individuals as not individuals, and automatically looking at them in whatever way you did in the first place.
That’s a similar idea of wanting to make friends with a black person so that you don’t look at black people as ghetto or whatever the case may be. Instead of just living life and being friends with whoever you naturally click with. Try to scrap the idea of looking at anyone like anything. A lot of males and females look at people as objects anyways. If you don’t want to be like them. Look at whoever you do as whoever they are. Like this is Tina, she is super bubbly and loves this and that etc etc.
You can help it if you try hard. You've already completed the first step - realizing when you are staring. Once you know you're doing it, just try to look away. This is one way I practice discipline. Also, if you are talking to a girl with an attractive body, just force yourself to look at her eyes the whole time.
1. As FellatiousD said already, get some self control man. You shouldn't be that desperate to the point of uncomfortably staring at every semi attractive female in sight. Separate your escapist fantasy from the reality you're experiencing and try to see people as people rather than tools to hopefully alleviate your problems. 2. Get satisfied with yourself before worrying about what you lack. Clinging to what you don't have in hopes to it being the panacea to all your woes is a fools errand. You'll inevitably get it and simply feel empty or move on to the next target of personal insecurity to hopefully make you feel proper. Change your perspective, look for the good things already in your life, appreciate them before they're gone, and let anything new entering be an addition to the already satisfying experience you have going. 3. Stop worrying about it so much. You just end up overthinking what should come naturally and stressing over what is ultimately a petty issue. Let things happen of their own accord, maybe you'll come across someone you just click with on every level, maybe they'll come across you. Trying to force it exerts way more stress and time than necessary. Go about your life with purpose and people tend to gravitate to you on their own.
