Guys, I'm in need of some serious help. I've been on this nofap thing for a while. A couple of years at least... Various relapses of course. I'm of the belief that counting days is counter-productive but I've been completely clean since early May. I was on dating hiatus for a lot of this time, but got back in a couple of months ago. I need human interaction, companionship, etc and I genuinely want to be with somebody. This isn't just about sex for me. I met somebody I connected with like I never have before. She is so much of what I've been looking for and it's all completely mutual. We had been on a few dates. Last night I had her over to my place, cooked dinner, had a few drinks on the patio talking all night. It was amazing. Asked her to stay. Came time for sex and I could just not get out of my head. I honestly don't even believe PIED is my problem any more. Yes, I'm aware that it takes 6-9mo for some and even longer, but I don't crave porn anymore. I don't even think about it. ...but after being at this for so long and failing so many times previous, I've lost the ability to lose myself in the moment... lose myself in her. Just constant thoughts running through my head. I started with an erection but then lost it before PIV could ever happen. She was amazingly sweet about the situation. I've been through this before, but I have to make it work with this one. I'm asking for a miracle just hoping others have been through this and might provide some tips or insight that could prove to be the magic bullet I'm looking for. I didn't get here overnight, but it has to end at some point, right?
Hey man, I totally know how it feels. The no PMO (or at least PM) is a great direction to go imo (for a ton of reasons), but performance anxiety has been a huge thing for me. Maybe for you too? I don't know your full story, but do a little googling on performance anxiety, and you'll see it's common, and happens to a ton of people. The encouragement I can give is that I have been battling anxiety and have learned that even I (the master of panicking about everything) have been able to pull myself out of it most of the time. MANY ladies are understanding and patient about this kind of thing (at least most I've dealt with). I've had most anxiety on the first time with a new woman, most of the time it got better in repeated times of intimacy. Maybe the first time(s), enjoy intimacy and being with her, and go for intercourse a little later. There is much literature online on mindful focus techniques and ways to practice getting out of your head for this kind of thing. Don't give up! Think about dating and female interaction as the next step after succeeding from PMO.
