Feeling positive in a supposed negative situation

Hey

So the last three weeks have been quite a hussle but I managed to survive.

I'm going to give a brief backstory here. Sorry if it's a bit too long.

I was in a mental health hospital for almost 2 years. 1 year and about 7-8 months. I was forced to stay there by law and it wasn't nice. It was probably one of the worst experiences of my life, saw some weird things and did some weird things as well. But let's go back abit. October 2021. I was 2 months in on Nofap, had a girlfriend and went to the gym for 2 months. I use drugs again (I was clean for 2 months as well) and I get a psychosis. One of the worst ones I could imagine. It got messed up.

So I got sent to that hospital and stayed there. For basically 1 year I kept relapsing into drugs, alcohol and porn. It was like I was stuck.
"Stay here for 3 more months" said the "Freedom Judge", thats how they call him here where I live.

But slowly and surely I started to wake up, meditated regularly, started to avoid drugs and alcohol, started to work out.
I got a place in a Rehab and stayed there for 6-7 months. Had 2-3 good attempts of quitting Porn. 1x 63 day reboot. Then a 34 day reboot and then another 45 day reboot. Didn't work out. I am thinking I just had too much stress. Funnily enough, rehab doesn't seem like the best place to quit Porn.

Now fast forward to the present. I am currently on Day 5. I had a 1 month streak 2 weeks ago but relapsed and did the dirty deed for about 2-3 days.

I realized that, quitting Porn, quitting Masturbation, just takes time. Its okay where you are now, you will get better. Just put in the work, day by day and focus on every little thing. I still want affection, I still want love. But I know that I will get it, eventually. And once I am 100% free, I might not even want it.