I've been getting urges to PMO, and I find myself getting jealous of people with less willpower than me. "At least the weak willed people get to relapse every once in a while." For context, I've been porn-free since I started NoFap on June 8, 2023. I never have broken any of my commitments, and completed a 90 day hard mode reboot on my first attempt. I am genuinely certain I'll never PMO in my life, but this makes me so jealous of the people who do PMO.
Why? I can be absolutely jealous of people who has the willpower to complete 90 days of No PMO: they have incredibly strong willpower and I would end up wishing I had that kind of will power.
Why? It's very simple. I feel jealous of them because they're able to live out their sexual fantasies, and I'm not. It's very twisted, I know.
I've had these thoughts before as well, they do go away in time. Now I just feel jealous of those posting about their sex lives instead.
I feel you man. Its definitely the addiction. I have the same feelings. Addiction is like a dog returning to his vomit. And we are jealous of that...stay strong brother!
The reason I did the reboot (and why I was able to persist with it so well) is because I watched Gary Wilson's Ted Talk, where he pretty much said that if I quit porn, I'll get a girlfriend (not quite in those words, but that was his point). I've never had a real girlfriend in my life, and I wanted that more than anything in the world. At first, I quit P, but continued to MO. I didn't immediately see any improvement with the ladies. Several weeks later, I decided that, for the full effect of Gary Wilson's promise to take effect, I'd have to do 90 days had mode (i.e. no P, M, or O at all). Every time I had an urge, I would just tell myself "If I relapse now, I'll never have a girlfriend, but if I stay strong, I'll probably have one as soon as the 90 days are over, or soon after." I also got into self improvement a lot, started exercising a lot, and quit social media/YouTube. I also improved my techniques of talking to women. My mental and physical health improved a lot as a result. I noticed women started to flirt with me a lot more (before they would almost always just avoid me). A couple girls even asked me out on dates this semester. However, I didn't succeed in my original goal of losing my virginity or getting a girlfriend. For this reason, I feel sexually frustrated and let down. It makes me think "If, dispite all this effort, I still can't get laid, is NoFap even worth it?"
Don't fool yourself in the thoughts you need a girlfriend. A year ago, I just stumpled upon my current girlfriend. Until then, I was a 26 years old aged virgin. Far above average, but I never worried about it. If its your time its your time, and whether you succeed NoFap or not isn't going to necessarily change that fact.
As someone who had a major relapse a couple of days ago, let me tell you, you are not missing out on anything. It's not worth it.
I really don't like the "weak willed people". For some it's clearly harder than others. Don't think you are better than everyone because you made it this far.
Perhaps change how you view p. Do you really want to go back to yanking ur penis in front of some computer/phone pixels with orchestrated sex noise? Personally, I feel I will have won the battle when I dont glorify pmo but instead think of it something nasty Im glad is gone
I've done some longer times away from P... had a recent 41 day streak that ended a week ago. It depends on your reason for not PMO. I do it so that I don't view my classmates in a wrong light. Go me --> I reset and will clearly view my classmates in a wrong light in the coming days and weeks. Oh yay, I fapped and got some pleasure. That's just setting me further back in my life.
Dear brother, congratulations on being successfull insustaining a porn free every day life. This is a great achievment many addicts take a long time for. However this is just one step. You will eventually have to realize, that not porn itself is a greater evil, but your own relationship you have with it. Just isolating yourself from it will not solve your core deficit. It seems to me you are still suffering from porn, may it be the longing after it and the fear of missing out. Its not weak willpower your missing, but a divided will. Saint Augustin, who himself struggled with lust in his youth knew he wanted to change, but just could not do it wholeheartly without fear of missing out lust. He had a similar problem like you maybe. In the end he realized, that its not willpower or knowledge he lacked, but that his affections had to be changed. If you are into deep philosophy let me just quote him: What does that mean? You have to acknowledge your real problem: You are unhappy because you are sexually frustrated. Your longing for a genuine relationship while being single and struggling with compulsive sexual thoughts and behaviour. On top of that your mindset is likelly infulenced by porn while not having experience with real intimacy, this makes it quite hard for you to understand what your real needs are. Staying away from porn is completely reasonable and helpfull, but its not nearly enough. You seem already proud for staying of porn less than a year. Im telling you, there are people who stay of from porn way longer than you have and who still struggle mantaining it or finding inner peace. Im not saying its not important, but remember: A good streak is not a prescription on how to find sexual fullfilment, it is a description of one who found it. Never twist this truth! Work it out with yourself and staying off porn will come automatically. Sorry if this all seems very theoretical, if you need something to start of practically, then stopp just staying away from things you see as bad, and start cultivating yourself for what is good. You know, some people love fast food and have no taste for genuine vegetable. They will also crave a hamburger and will have struggle giving it up. Later on if they experienced the goodness of healthy food however they will never turn back and have no intention doing so. I listened in the past mostly to loud and noisy music, I didnt had the patience for listening to a Bach cantata. And so on. Do this in as many areas in your life as possible. And than do it in your sexual realm too. Soon you will realize, that there is nothing to be jealous about people watching porn. Dont focus on giving up, focus on gaining something better. If you have any questions you can also write me directly. I wish you all the best of luck. Greetings from Bavaria
