Feel I’m in too deep sometimes

I’ve been struggling against porn, escorts and degrading sex for years. Started off with vanilla moved to femdom then to trans sex workers now thankfully they have lost there appeal whether it’s all the hypno I’ve done, micro dosing finally I find them pretty disgusting and not a forbidden sexual mythical creature but closer to the truth. But after visiting a parlour ad was recommended a femdom escort. It seemed to be the experience and skill Level id been searching for and it got really intense

Spoiler: Trigger warning

Seeing an attractive confident woman in secretary outfit and allowing her to peg me and talk dirty was a way of giving over full control to my lust and escape into taboo even doing poppers to enhance the experience

But as soon as it ended feeling totally violated ashamed, helpless and out of control to my sexual lust was so depressing.

 

I know it’s so destructive and very complexed. This week I haven’t had urges for it at all. And having told the owner of that parlour to ban me because I’ve felt almost suicidal it would feel really fucked up to just turn up. The thing with that type of thing it escalates just like porn and never quite hits the spot so you keep pushing into more destructive acts. It’s like a hot chic who you feel is out of your league helping you self harm. Do I want that or do I want to sort my life out and attract a good looking partner! I’ve got hypnotherapy today and got some cbt therapy through the doctors. I’ve quit drink and am exercising planning and working on a career I enjoy and am good at

 

Thanks dude, I make music. So I am creative. Which sometimes is very rewarding but also if I feel I’ve done a bad job on a project or just bored of it I’m easily triggered to seek toxic sex/punishment. A rush to get me away from my verbal diaorea in my head

 

Yea go for it dude