Established Personal Goals after Quitting Porn

As always, good hearing from you, Mac!

I can definitely relate to you, accept I think the family dogs and sports contributed to my anxiety lol. I just spent a few days at home, and my energy is still not back to normal. I wouldn't trade anything for them, but spending time with them leaves me feeling so depressed, afterwards. I'm okay, don't get me wrong, but I do feel kind of dreary.

This is what I've had to do. Few people in my life have offered me this advice, especially those who are my age and relatives (so, the ones I most likely turn to). Only one, my current pastor, has said something very similar. He knows that I display the signs of codependency and depression, after recently working with another dysfunctional family.

I'm very sorry you had to do that. I can relate, brother. For me personally, years of untreated social anxiety led me to completely shut out my father for somewhere around 8 years. In those 8 years, I lived fairly close to him, and have written more in this post than I said to him in that time frame. Similar to you, I had to realize that this wasn't my fault. I have only recently begun to talk to him, again. It still isn't easy, and he still in ways drags me down.

 

Thanks @lazyBoi and @getoff

God bless you!

 

1&2: One month, 30 days, of hard mode complete!
3. I haven't had any temptations to drink or smoke in a while!
4. I'm still growing closer to my family. I have been home for a few days and am ready to head out, soon. It hasn't really been that bad, so it's getting better.
5. Ordination is around the corner. Well, I need to get those theological position essays ready, then don't I?? Looking forward to ordination, of course.
6. Social anxiety with girls is less of a problem, now. I have been hanging out and messaging the girl I like, some. She is shy, too, and is steadily starting to want to hang out. It is kind of cool to see us both coming out of our cages at the same time.
7. I'm growing more comfortable with myself. I don't think of myself as awkward and shy anymore. I see myself more as a chipper individual. I am becoming the man that God wants me to be!
8. God has been so good to me! I have been taking time to praise him and to just revel in His presence. It has been awesome!

 

I also have a recovery journal called "A Christian Graduate Student's Recovery Journal." This one, here, gives the reader's digest version. The other one gets into the knitty-gritties.

 

I had an eventful, yet defining year during 2018. Let’s reflect on some milestones that were reached and some of the challenges I faced. I can’t share everything, but here are some of the key points.


I continued in my ministry internship that started in 2017. I had a college minister who served as my primary mentor. My pastor had his eyes on me, but did not let me know until I made it clear that I would be leaving my church for other opportunities.


Some of my best friends left me because of graduation. We still keep in touch, but it stings nonetheless. I remember embracing one of my best friends countless times one morning, unsure if I would see her again. We have kept in touch, but have not seen each other again. My college minister also moved across the country.


While I am speaking of goodbyes, earlier this year I learned about one of my family member’s tobacco related illness. The Lord used her illness to drive my immediate family and I close together, for the first time in nearly eight years. Originally, I left for graduate school in an effort to run away from my family. I lost my family member a couple months ago. My family takes me less for granted now, and I probably have learned a thing or two, as well.


During March I faced the heaviest relapse into my porn addiction that I have ever faced. I did not turn in any schoolwork between March and May. I turned it all in late, and never gave account to any of my professors for my dissent into depression. They eerily never asked and graciously took my work late. Twelve credits of graduate seminary courses, and all of them graciously accepted the work late? This is an accredited school, in fact one of the best in the nation. I really can’t explain why this happened other than God’s sovereignty.


The Lord led me to remain at my church and remain an intern for the remainder of the year. My pastor has become my primary mentor. I will be ordained at this church, this year.


I joined this site during July, after relapsing again in June. I kept relapsing and faced a problem with masturbation during sleep, but finally I have let PMO go—this time, hopefully for good.


I have grown to care about one of the young women that I go to church with, in the middle of all of this. I am praying about the possibility of us being together. She has problems, too. The good news is she is starting to open up to me about them, as well as show some signs of interest in me. I know that the Lord is equipping me to be in a relationship sometime in the future.


Here is to 2019. What will I be writing, next January!?

 

1&2: 43 days without PMO!
3. As some of you know, I like kombucha. I also like keifer and ginger beer. I am getting to the point where I don't have a problem with addiction. Perhaps, then, I can enjoy actual alcoholic beverages like beer or wine responsibly. I am also careful not to upset the weaker brethren.
4. I'm still growing closer to my family. The sad thing with this part is that I now realize that I can't go back home. Home was very controlling, and as a 26 year old man, they still want to control my life for some reason. I think I have responsibly and more than fairly made amends with them.
5. Ordination is around the corner. If I keep up my studies on the position papers, and do well at the council interview, I will be ordained. Many thanks to anyone who keeps up with these posts.
6. Social anxiety with girls... this is tough to explain. Many months ago, I was asked by a member on here why this was such a pertinent issue. I now realize that I have cared more for girls than I have God. The beautiful woman that I go to church with has become an idol. I realize here lately that I am codependent and in some ways obsessed. The Lord has revealed to me that, to achieve true love, I must learn more about Him and increase in my relationship with Him, so that this spiritual love will pour out onto the true love of my life.
7&8. I am starting to realize who I am as a God called minister. The degree that I am getting is as Paul said, to be counted as nothing. The love of God and knowledge of the Holy Bible are the most important things to me. I will be ordained soon. Somehow, I have convinced a local body of believers that I am worthy of being set apart. Let me tell you, it is not my doing, but it is an act of God.

 

I am feeling more confident than ever. I can't believe how much I grow the longer I am away from PMO. It is completely understandable why so many of us are here trying to get rid of it.

There are other areas of my life that I need to change. My anxiety has been spiraling like you wouldn't believe, but I am getting a handle on it. I am starting to open up about my problem with pornography among my closest friends. I am still extremely ashamed of it. My road to recovery is really just beginning. I will soon be ordained into ministry, and will soon graduate seminary. I am sure that many other amazing things will happen in my life, too!

 

I really appreciate you reading my story. Thanks, also for sharing yours.

It sounds like you are giving up porn after only a short time (2 years), which is great. I have struggled for about 16 years. I'm finally at a place where I am confident to be over it. It has taken since the summer of 2017, when I started Celebrate Recovery. CR made the PMO addiction worse, although helped me in other areas. NoFap has been very helpful for me. I have definitely grown closer to God.

It is very surprising when you learn that there are not only others who struggle, but also others who are getting better! Best of luck, my man!

 

Oh, I see. Porn is a horrible problem that influences us in ways that I did not know when I was struggling with it. I can honestly say that I am 81 days without it, and I'm seeing more growth each day I get away from it. I remember what I was thinking when still addicted to it, and it was not good. Now, I am starting to learn how to build healthy friendships with women that will turn into healthy relationships. One day, one of these relationships will blossom into a Godly romantic relationship and then a Godly marriage.

 

1. 86 days without PMO!
2. I don't have the sleep M problem, anymore!
3. I have very low desire to consume alcohol, drugs, or tobacco.
4. This one is working, and in an ironic way. I have come to peace with their attempts to control me. I understand that it is because they do not want to lose me. They are always good to me, so I am so grateful!
5. I am now an ordained minister and am looking for a church to pastor.
6. It has been three years since I was diagnosed with social anxiety. I finally, within the past four or five weeks and with the help of my pastor, have realized the root cause of my social anxiety: codependency. I have been dependent in some way on my parents for a long time. I struggle with being dependent on my pastor and professors. I am dependent on friends. The strangest part is how dependent I am on a girl that I have become friends with over the past few years. My mood and needs revolve around her in an unusual way. I haphazardly refer to her as the girl I like and I have talked about her so much to my friends that it's almost laughable. I genuinely care for her, don't get me wrong. I have based my feelings for her on who-knows-what. The point is that let myself be dependent on her. Before her, there were other people... (well, this is another post, I guess.)
7. I am so ridiculously much more comfortable with myself and who I am. I know that God has a plan for me and that I am caable of being a highly effective ministry leader.
8. I am growing closer to God. What is miraculous is that everything that I do brings me closer to Him. He is the reason that I am in ministry. I do not do it for money or glory. My treasures are not laid up for this world, but are on the Kingdom of God!

 

8 and 5 are, as far as priority is concerned.

 

90 days! I'm so excited! I got to hang out with the girl I like, today. I am working hard to be a better friend and ministry leader. I am seeking to find happiness and joy in the Lord and not depend so much on people. I have a much better experience when I am more comfortable with who I am.

 

100 days without PMO! So, let's change these personal goals a bit:

1. No PMO
2. No alternative masturbation techniques or masturbation during sleep (sexsomnia)
3. No turning in schoolwork late.
4. Improve personal relationships with friends.
5. Improve personal relationships with women.
6. Grow Closer to God and as a Christian leader.
7. Improve family relationships

 

1. No PMO
Still at the 106 day streak
2. No alternative masturbation techniques or masturbation during sleep (sexsomnia)
No alternative masturbation techniques since last summer.
No sexsomnia since implementing these goals. I started to a couple times in the past few days, but was able to wake up. I no longer have P racing through my head when I wake up like that.
3. No turning in schoolwork late.
None since starting these goals.
4. Improve personal relationships with friends.
Spent the night at a friends house last weekend. Texted my best friend yesterday.
5. Improve personal relationships with women.
Getting better at this. It's hard to explain, but I am much more comfortable around women, lately.
It is nice not to think about them sexually, anymore.
6. Grow Closer to God and as a Christian leader.
I'm trying on this one. I was praying earlier, and I realize how much closer to God I need to be.
7. Improve family relationships
I spent some time with my family, yesterday. It was overall nice. They are starting to accept that I am out on my own.