Enough is enough...

Hello!
I feel a little uneasy about joining and writing about myself on the internet but I'm trying to reinvent myself so who gives a f**k. Last night I was re-reading a book called Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k (great book highly suggest it) and in one of the chapters P was mentioned. It got me thinking about my own P tendencies, which took me down a rabbit hole of research, leading me to this site. After reading a bunch of success stories I made up my mind that I would quit.

So a little about me, ever since I can remember I have been P obsessed, and honestly until last night didn't realize the effect it had on my life. I'm 20 now and I think that I was introduced to P in 5th grade and voraciously M until now. I've also had a rough sexual life, I was taken advantage of by a family member which I think just spurred on my sexual rage, and now that I'm in college I've found solace in booze and pointless hookups with women. Last night as I was reading the stories I realized how much I had in common with people on these forums and almost puked because of how dumb I was. I can't remember the last time I got MW and I even think I got PIED a couple of times when trying to get with some women. Oh and I don't think I have EVER gotten a WD in my life. I can distinctly remember so many situations where I feel socially weird or awkward, or I couldn't look someone directly in the eyes because I thought that somehow they would see what was beneath me and inside of me. I specifically remember when I was leaving my grandparent's house and getting called out for trying to give my grandma a hickey. I was young probably 10 or 11 and I just couldn't control myself.

My P addiction started slow, mostly vanilla shit. But as I got older and more experienced I was watching hardcore, deepthroat, I went through an anal M phase and most recently I've been hooked on JOIs. A lot of times I was left alone I would just M for hours sometimes even on Omegle. I would always feel guilty after or alone and I have always felt some sort of haze or barrier in my head blocking me from the good or positive thoughts I want to have. I wholeheartedly believe that this is from watching P. Some of the worst I have ever felt was after I'd M for the 7-8th time that day.

Last year, around this time, I was really in the dumps and decided to start working on myself. I started working out and reading more books, drinking less, quit smoking weed. I even slowed down on the P/M but I was noticing that I would take 1 step forward and 4 steps back and couldn't understand why. This morning for the first time ever in my life I took a cold shower and didn't even turn the heat knob because it was suggested. I know it's my second day but I feel like I have been working for this for a while. Please if you have any tips for me or just want to talk about progress or really anything please reply to this. I would love to get to know fellow Fapstronauts and hear y'alls stories!