Hi Guys, I started last week with EMDR for a traumatic experience 3 years ago with an streettransexual hooker while i was totally wasted in Thailand. I dont know what and where it happened that night but got some fears i did gay stuff. It was just my 4th sexual encounter in my life, after 3 ed involved with a real girl. It never came up my mind to do something like this. Since this night my life is ruined, got lots of guilt and awful hocd. Dont have interest in things i used too. I quit the porn and reduced MO a lot, because since of this event i could barely MO to straight thoughts. The hocd is also a bit better because i know where its coming from. Does anybody got experience with EMDR for trauma's like this and got great benefits from it? And do u think it can help me?
Hey fella, how are you doing? Man, when I was a teenager, around 14 yo, I used to do shit, like drinking and smoking, sometimes even marijuana. Not because I liked to do so, but you know how kids are when it comes to do wrong stuff. Well, not all of them, but a least I was this kind of kid. You see, I used to have a best friend, and we would do everything together. One day when his parents were away for the whole day, we bought some hard liquor and decided to get really drunk just for the sake of it. We did it, I almost went to the hospital, but before I vomited all over the floor and fainted, we got naked and did stuff. Not sex, but i think we tried to. Not sure. It haunted me for years, I swear to you. I just kept it as a secret, locked somewhere deep in my mind and could never dream to talk to anyone about it. I found some random fact to use as a fake reason that I would tell to people as to why I stopped hanging out with that friend. I just couldn't accept what happened and was way to scared of being gay. Ok, years passed, I'm now 22 and even though we talked a couple of times after that day, we're not friends anymore. Today that dude has a kid, wife and all. He moved on. I think that it was about 2 years ago when it came back to my mind and for the first time, I told someone, but it was someone I know i could trust, my psychologist. By the time I felt really deppresed and had no idea why, and I started to think if maybe the reason of being so deppressed was the fact that maybe I was gay but it was so hard to accept it that I just didn't think about it at all, but it was hurting me, in my subconscious. The hardest thing to do was to think about the possibility of being gay. I was to narrow minded at the time and it just wasn't an option. How the hell would I tell it to my family? They're so, so conservative. No way! But then I figured that my mental health worthed more than anything else. More than my pride, more than the expectations people have on us. So from that day on, I started to think about this possibility, and it was really hard. It was hard till the moment that I figured that yes, I could be gay. What if? Not a big deal. But it just never happened. I never felt attracted to man as if I was gay. But you see man, the reason why I told you all of this is because I really need you to know that you shouldn't be in fear that you may or may not have done gay stuff, because being gay is absolutely normal. I just want you to get rid of this burden in your life, and If you let me, I would say: 1st - Accept yourself. Everything you've did in your life was work of your evolving, yet unevolved self. Don't be to hard on yourself because of the fact. You were drunk, shit happens when we're drunk 2nd - Bro, unbuilding the idea that I could never be gay was something that really helped me in the proccess. Think about it, it doesn't make you gay, but if you were, there would be absolutely no problem too. 3rd - I've had many, many ED problems with girls and even held longer relationships where I kept having it. Fortunately with NoFap I've learned that there are many other things that explain this. Id like to recommend you a TED talk of a guy called Philip Zimbardo. Just look for The Demise of Guys on youtube and let me know what you think of it. Hope I can help you somehow!
