Edging and iliusion of control

Hey guys. I would love to year your opinions and elaborate on idea of iliusion of control. Here what I mean:

I remember first years I been watching porn, althrough I had somewhere that quiet feeling in gut that it's not right thing to do, I was not DECIDED that this habbit has to go. My conscience had no concerns neither about bad consequences neither why I'm doing it. You like giving up in the moment flow - you stimulated and you doing it naturaly.
And if you been bussy and hadn't watched porn long time - you are sensitive in that moment so you watch one video and soon PMO, if you been on more free time you have some desentization you maybe watch more but you PMO relative fast anyway.

But as soon you decide that habbit has to go (having in mind you have no clear road map or understanding how to do it) you spiral down even more. And looks like more you try to control , harder it gets.
It's hard to explain it in few words. But it seems like when you try to control that attraction urge, unsatisfied need or whatever you may call it - it's gets like surfing on raising wave of of strong emotions and chemicals in brain and sooner or later you drop from the wave in to the ocean anyway - and loose control.
For example you decided to quit porn, but: you got tired, bored, lonely, stressed, feeling stimulated or any way which can lead you to smilar idea:
"I been doing good without porn, I have control on it, so let's just see how good you can handle those videos, let's just watch some" - Or similar.
You watch one , two or few more videos - you try to be concious and aware about what really happening, maybe not masturbating, maybe even no arousal in beggining. You might understand that woman is acting for money, she been forced in that outlet or fooled in, you aware on how she act out pleasure, in a moment you might understand that it's only fucking pixels without interconnected emotions with you, without smells, without skin to skin contact. But somehow brain gets stimulated and maybe right after that moment, or after day or two your braing gives idea: "let's just see more".
As you watch more - sooner or later you start to lose awarness bit by bit and you spiral down. You stimulated brain is jighjacking your awareness and higher conciousness and you look at even more. If your will is strong you might find yourself edging: like you "still only watching and not acting out completly".... Until your brain flushed with neurochemicals and you prefrontal cortex is completly cut from the picture and somehow you got to the orgasm like you got sitting in back seat of your own car.
After that you feel like you been fooled by yourself. By the one "person" which you should trust most - yourself.
Self belief, feeling certain and sure of yourself is shattered, but this is other topic.
This will always manifests like that by superstimulus. Physiologicly and biologicly our brain is not capable to handle superstimulus. Which is from begging point of view is main reason why we started to geting stuck in back seat of our own car. But I think if you want to get over porn addiction you need to know story both from beggining to the end, and from end to new beggining. And one main thing which which keeps us to see picture from end to new beggining is that we men might think that we can control and we should control that urge/feeling, which is in main sense not true.

But I want to elaborate on issue of iliusion of control and want to see if you have connection with me and have anything add to it.
My idea is that that feeling of attraction/urge or some kind of need to act it out it's impossible to control - in the sense of making that sensation to dissapear. It might dissapear, but not that you want that happen in the moment, but when you either remove yourself from situation which causes taht, or change the situation, or completly give up to that drag and satisfy it.
But soon as you try to ignore it, seperate it from yourself, like it's not existing or shouldn't exist or worse - feeling shame of having it - everything then spirals down and starts to highjack you even more. It's like one of primarily objective of caveman part of the brain is ignored by your logic mind (prefrontal cortex) and then brain deciding to cut logic mind off from the party to succeed to the objective. Point is that part of the brain which put's so much energy - have more power to find ways to put your sperm inside healthy woman body to reproduce even if that act is iliusonary - like jerk it off by fantasy, or by watching porn or any other iliusionary stimulus.
And we(men) are mainly only visual stimulated to be ready for sex. The iliusion of control starts when you try to control existence of that feeling/sensation by everyday stimulation. You could be stimulated by surfing facebook, instagram, walking on street and seeing attractive woman, meeting friends who have hot girlfriends, seeing ad's, magazine front pages and so on.... And modern world is full of fake and real sexual stimulus. Our brain really naturally have not adapted to so much stimulation. When you are not aknowledge that you been stimulated it build's up and it manifest's of loosing control over that matter. It's like hungry caveman just had seen woman somewhere in surroundings which just disapeared from horizon, he's brain will start working out ways to find her and give a try. Modern men brain processing it almost exactly the same. Your brain is working out a lot on that matter uncoincously after you surf on facebook and got stimulated.
You can't control that drag directly, it will manifest one way or another if you try to ignore it.

In modern world - I believe - we can control it only by having strategy upfront.

1. By removing yourself upfront from stimulating situations or changing habbit's where you getting unnessecery stimulated (specialy superstimulus habbits where you doing it for only for getting stimulated like surfing dating app, or instagarm photos, obviously porn and cam sites)
You have to understand that surfing casual women photos can lead to watching porn, which you don't want to do and don't like when you do. You can't to chose to be excited or not, you only can avoid it upfront. Porn is supernaturalstimulus and there is no way to practice it and control it neither directly or indirecrtly.
2. Allways accepting and aknowledging that "magnetic sensation of drag" (or maybe someone will come up with better name for that feeling/sensation) on situations which is unavoidable and are happening in normal life circumstances.
3. Adobt easiest and most healthy way to sexualy act out by letting that feeling of drag evolve and drag you only towards woman which reciprocate same natural drag towards you, which sooner or later ends inside of her in loving and respectfull way.

By cutting of unnessecary stimulation you just simply stop waisting your time for things is not worth having, then by aknowledging sexual sensations and that drag towards woman - you keeping your prefrontal cortex in the game and in such way your logic mind have enough power to navigate in normal range of stimulus, by choosing to explore more that magnetic feeling only towards woman who is reciprocate same thing to you - in such way you will never need to feel rejected, never need force things and you only then you will feel truly loved and accepted.
All these principles enforce each other. For example by cutting unnessecary sexual stimulus you have sharper and more sensitive brain to find real woman which reciprocate towards you. Which makes you feeling loved and more complete. Which makes your caveman brain prioritize such acting out over habits of unnessecary stimulus.


I assume it's not straith forward to follow my concepts, I neither structured or neither planned to write so much. Anyway, Thanks for trying to understand me.

 

It's like snoring cocaine and expect to not want more later. You have no such urge if you havn't snored for months. Same with porn, you can control your mind until you got yourself with your eyes open infront visual stimulation, after stimulation started you wonder what is there more, after you loaded and swiped many of videos you got big high and you losing control... then your mind get's completly blind and you pmo, or if you very determed you will start to edge which is worst, it's literally frying your brain. You have full control only when you are not stimulated. It's time and visual related - as much time you stimulate youself so much amount of control you lose. Porn hit's brain stronger then cocaine snore. Even watching social media - where sexuality is dominating in one way or another - we get sexualy stimulated. Anyone related when you catch you self scroling social media more then you wanted or planned? Or even not realize how did you started to scroll? It's definition of addiction. The point is to decide which situation you would let yourself be stimulated? To watch sexy womans on street and to drool about it? You can't watch them and not to drool , but you can decide you pot your attention other places.
Long story short is that we tend to have sexual attention in many areas and in lot of times. And it's only partly our foult, our consumer society been using sexuality for ads and in sociam media all our lives.