ED - Discover the roots journal - PIED/Performance Anxiety/Other

Hi,
Started this journey two days ago after a long time of unclear mind.
I did PMO Challenge something like 4 years ago when I was 20, and successfully did half a year challenge, and the benefits were amazing.
The years passed. I did a 4 month trip to South America, Started University (now second year) and everything seems to be fine.
My journey now begins after a few ED incidents in a recent one-month trip abroad and one more incident back home.

1. Some girl wanted me, we went to a party, danced closed and my dick was erected. felt good so we went to her house, and my fellow guy didn't get hard again. blamed it on the Alcohol. she tried to give me head but nothing. she was kind and we went to sleep.
In the morning she wanted and somehow I managed to get an erection, starting to have sex and I got turned off after a minute, my dick fell and we couldn't continue like that.
I didn't reach to orgasm, she was surprised but got the alcohol excuse and we went to the living room, smoke one while she sitting on me and told my she want me to stay and some kisses but that was the end of the story.

2. Also on the trip, some hostel in Ecuador with my friends (6 friends same room).
There was a party in the hostel, Im looking good and a few girls gave me the look but I managed to find myself with a cute girl that is just my type. crazy and sexy.
We did some coke that night I forgot to mention. so after kissing her she wanted to go to the room but I felt bad from the first incident and afraid it would happen again so I just continue dancing and having a good time. went to our room by myself and I saw my friend. he told me what about that girl and invited her to come.
almost everyone (might have been the problem haha) left the room and she wanted the D. I tried to get myself turned on with my friends in the rooms (didnt care) but again, didnt get it hard, blamed it on the alcohol and coke and went to sleep with her.
she told me its fine and we smiled but inside I felt like shit.

3. Also on the trip, my friend wanted some girl doing makeup things and hanging around and invited her to a party. She always looked at me and I got the feeling she wanted me, but my friend did the move so I stepped back and let him try.
after she gave him signs she didnt want him I stepped in and try at the party.
very fast we were kissing and having a good time. this time my other friend asked me if he can try also, and I told him yeah why not because I didnt think this will lead to anywhere. so she kissed with him also and then came back to me and told me she want to go to the room. I was thinking why not lets try again because she looked good and stated to go to our room. looked back and I see my friend follow us haha and I thought why not lets give it a try maybe a threesome will get my dick hard. it didnt.
after some kissing while the three of us are naked it didnt get hard and I told my friend to start while I'm trying to get it to stand. after a few tries I just told them that it dont work and have fun together. of course I felt like shit afterward, I told my friends, and felt very low.

4. So all of it happened on the trip and I was thinking maybe it is the alcohol, the weed, the coke or my mood, so I tried to reach one girl I slept with few years ago which I know she is horny all the time - to know how big is my problem. she is not my type at all but I was thinking to give it a try.
So I went to her, and after small talk and a shower we started making out.
and guess what? didn't stand. no alcohol, no weed, no coke. no friends in the same room, just me. and it didn't. she tried to suck it but it didn't help so I gave her head, did some fingers and tongue tricks and she reached orgasm. she told me I'm stressed and cannot free my mind and maybe need to do some thinking. she is a big heart and wonderful person and I care about her. I still think maybe I don't find her attractive and this is the reason but I'm probably wrong.

***

So this is how I found myself here.
This is mainly for me but maybe you guys can give me some advice if this is PIED or something else.
Normally I watch porn 3-4 times a week. after going back from the trip it got worse, every day and sometimes twice a day.
I got the feeling I need to explore my sexuality and prove myself my dick is still working and gaining some confidence.
And now I think this is the time for me to start exploring and understanding my problem and how to treat it. I am still thinking about therapy, but this creeps me out to think about myself as a person who needs therapy, and maybe I'm just an idiot thinking like that - but I want to try NoFap first, and maybe gain some insights.
Maybe the psychologist not familiar with PIED, or I don't know but I feel like exploring myself first and do everything before going to therapy.

I forgot to mention that I had one more ED in the past with a girl that I fucked her a couple of times (Didn't find her attractive anymore)
And with one more girl but she did some handjob and it helped and this was a good night

So I'm wishing myself good luck understanding myself because this problem pulls me back from talking with women that want me and generally harm my confidence and a lot of things.

I hope you enjoyed these stories and maybe laugh a little hoping that soon I'll be giving you guys some juicer stories
If you have some insights from the stories, other thoughts about PIED (if this is the problem at all) Please share. I want to get better. Thanks.














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