Dream Job

2023 was the worst year of my life. I took my “dream job,” which ended up being a nightmare that turned my whole world upside down. I worked so much that I hardly saw my family. I had terrible anxiety because my boss was extremely critical and never gave me the resources I needed to be successful. I made less money with them than I did with the job I had before. Most of my hobbies were put on hold because I did not have the time to do them.

Masturbation was my way to cope with stress. Before work. After work. Before bed. Whenever I had the time. My porn consumption increased dramatically. I became a stranger to myself. No motivation. Trouble concentrating. Low self-esteem. Addicted to a thing that made me feel horrible and disgusting.

I applied for dozens of jobs and scheduled interviews during my lunch breaks. I was given a conditional job offer. The position required multiple certifications. I left my job and began studying. Progress was slower than it should have been. I felt stupid and foggy. I was still masturbating 3+ times per day. I got through the process and started my new job at the end of the year.

I want 2024 to be a year of healing, embracing change, and feeling my emotions. I made a resolution to quit pornography and masturbation. The only way I have been able to stick to this resolution is by telling it to other people, writing it down in a journal that I look at every single day, and taking steps to make pornography more difficult for me to access. I set up a porn blocker on my phone, set a time limit for how much I can use my phone and use individual apps, picked three close friends to be my accountability partners, and started meeting bi-weekly with a support group.

I'll always ask myself why I had to hit the bottom before taking all these steps to resist and fight back. I feel a million times better about myself.