"Don't underestimate your power to change"

This is what I have been repeating to myself over and over...It has been hard...Especially when you have come to the realization that you have been failing over and over because you didn't really want to succeed. Starting this journey made me realize really shitty things about myself... The biggest one was that I truly feel that I don't deserve better.

I'm in a job that I hate because I feel that I can't do better than it. I continue to Fap and watch porn because I feel that I am not deserving or worthy of woman. This train of thought as led to so much self loathing. I began to enjoy cuckold fantasy porn because a more deserving man was able to do what I knew I could not.

I have now become attracted to men...but its somewhat a sense of sexual attraction and jealousy, why can't I be manly, muscular and strong and seem so Alpha...its weird and I'm confused... Ive attempted NoFap for almost 3 years failing every time because I thought I did not deserve what I wanted..

But through all of this self loathing I have a bit of hope. I dream of the man I can/will become. I try to constantly put positive reaffirmations into the world because I want to create my own future and not let this dictate who I will become.

My name is Trials I'm a 26 year old virgin who let pornography and masturbation become the comfort I needed in my vulnerable adolescence - because of this I shied away from any real relationship with other people. I was not determined to accomplish anything in my life and I deceived myself into thinking that all of this was "normal behavior"...

I am doing NoFap again to succeed at being 1 step closer to the man that 16 yr old me needed. I desperately need your help to succeed and I want to help you succeed in your journey. Drop a line cause I want to hear your story!

 

Definitely won't give up! Thank you!