Sorry this is long, but it's my first post and I'm getting a lot off of my chest for the first time. I have done porn for a long time and it's done some serious damage to my marriage. I'm on the verge of losing it and recently came to the conclusion (and admitted) that I have an internet porn addiction. I found this site in a book I was reading and started my rebooting three weeks ago today and, for some reason, I'm finding it too easy - I haven't had any relapses...no "I have to go to the computer and look" moments...and, I have no intention of going back. I know this isn't the norm...but it's where I am and I feel like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. I masturbated to Playboys when I found them in my cousin's closet when he babysat me when I was probably 10-12 years old. That's all there was back then (early 1960's). I even remember crouching on the arms of chairs when I was younger than that to pleasure myself - probably didn't even know what was happening but it felt good. The internet and availability of porn made it so much easier to find literally anything I wanted so I've been into that since probably the early 2000's - I owned my own business so I had access to a computer after hours (there weren't really many home computers back then). Once I got a home computer, that was all she wrote. I have lied to my wife about quitting multiple times - we have lived in different states for 5 years now (nothing to do with the porn) so it's been easier than even to spend whatever time I want on line. I visited her in July and the shit hit the fan and I agreed to get counseling - and she is as well. That's how this journey started. I understand that it will never end - an addict is an addict - I'm just in recovery, where I plan to stay.
Hi! Good work on your 3-week-streak, keep it going! It's good that you didn't experience strong urges however as you wrote: an addict is an addict. Stay sharp and don't let anything or anybody fool you into a relapse. The addiction tends to strike when we least expect it. I'm sorry to hear that your marriage is in danger and I wish you all the best for your future - be it in marriage or single.
Glad to read that rebooting has been easy for you. It has been easy for me as well. Continue to be thankful for that gift. Keep making recovery a top priority. Remember this definition of a slip: Sobriety Loses Its Priority I look forward to reading more about your progress in the coming weeks and months.
