Don't know where to post this ..... please answer

@u376 As Arnold Schwarzenegger once said: "You have to have a vision". He is referring to setting a big goal which you want to achieve. In your case is losing your virginity after marriage. "I look at those pictures and they motivate me". Here Arnold was referring to the pictures of bodybuilders and powerlifters he had on his bedroom wall at which he looked and they motivated him. In your case you should write your big goal onto a "goal card" and look at it at least twice a day, to motivate yourself and keep yourself on track.

Hope this helped.

Also well done on your 250+ days on no PMO, can't wait to get there myself

 

I am much older than you, and for different circumstances I have chosen to redirect my sexual energy. I found an outlet in an ancient Taoist practice. There's a book titled Taoist secrets of love, cultivating male sexual energy by Mantak Chia. Although it is an eastern "religion" and I suspect you may be Christian, his approach is more practical and doesn't have any religious dogma. It's an old book and you should be able to download for free as a PDF online. You may find it offers you another way to handle the sexual urges. One word of caution, he does focus on sexual relationships and masturbation as a way to focus the sexual energy. You could use the practices such as the cool draw to help redirect the energy without focusing on the multiple orgasm approach he describes. I find the cool draw and the microcosmic orbit meditation (something he only goes into briefly in this book but you can find information on this in one of his other books) helps me to channel these energies in a healthy non masturbatory way. Good luck and reach out if you have any questions.

 

No he doesn't recommend masturbation. His books are mostly written to help couples and individuals achieve a deeper spiritual connection. His focus is on semen retention. The quote I attached was out of context. He believes there is no reason one needs to ejaculate even within marriage but he acknowledges it is a common practice in the west.

As to your question about sex before marriage, that is not something anyone on this forum can answer for you. I do not believe there is a right answer. I was raised to uphold this strict mandate and felt a great deal of anxiety and shame being the only virgin amongst my friends for many years. For those individuals who are religious, their religions often dictate what they should practice (although most people don't).

If you ask me what I personally would do if I could go back in time, I would enjoy my sexuality in a respectful and loving way. Your sexual energy will wane as you get older and you may not ever experience the intense pleasure your body can generate in your 20s. Women are also more beautiful in their youth and often more sexually desirous. Most of my male friends now lament their wives don't have the interest in sex they used to. So, from a purely enjoyment perspective I would get out there and enjoy yourself. If you have deep religious beliefs of your own, not ones placed on you by your parents, then you probably wouldn't be asking the question here. If you are able to find a lovely young woman and marry her in your 20s, and both of you want to hold out for marriage, that's wonderful and can result in a very special connection. I live in the US and very few people do that anymore but many of my Indian friends, who have had arranged marriages, seem just as happy. If your alternative has been obsessive masturbation to pornography followed by ball busting periods of abstaining, without any other outlet, that can be a tough path. Clearly you have a lot of young men on this forum who are finding their path but I can only imagine how hard it is to abstain in your 20s with all of your sexual energy surging thru your body.

I would reframe this. I can tell you are a thoughtful guy. You are trying to do the right thing. Keep on that path, just ease up on yourself. Do some soul searching to figure out what is really important to you. Not masturbating, not having sex till marriage is noble, but it can be a form of self torture if the motivation is wrong. If you came to this site because you jacked off too much to nasty porn and it has sucked the life out of you, then you need to be careful in how you move forward. If you are a deeply spiritual man, seek out counsel from one of the elders in your Hindu tradition, someone you trust. Hope this helps. Just the opinion of one guy, take it as that.

 

I certainly agree loosing your virginity to an escort would be disappointing. I should mention the reason I am struggling with my issues relates to being married and having a wife who lost her libido shortly after she got pregnant. She has gradually become disinterested in sex and now I am essentially stuck in a sexless marriage. She has been very judgmental of my use of pornography as an alternative to sex and I became unhappy with that as well. I could leave my marriage but that goes against my principles and would be difficult for my children. So, don't put off exploring a natural and consensual relationship if you don't have to. There's no reason you couldn't meet a wonderful women with whom you could have a very loving relationship and save intercourse for after you marry. If you happen to meet a nice women who doesn't want to wait till marriage and you both feel good about sharing intimacy, be open to exploring that with her as long as you don't feel you are violating your personal beliefs. Good luck man.

 

Well i am a bit younger than you, as you already know bro, but i feel compelled to share a few things with you here:

All of these statements you make:
1.

2.

3.

All of the above statements you made are affected by the conventions of society. Sex (and of course PMO) is regarded as normal nowadays which is why you made the above comments.
Convention is what makes you question your behaviour. But remember why you started PMO in the very first place. Do you remember? I do. It was in your journal!

You were in school and one if your friends said that if your stimulate your genitals, it produces a really good feeling. Remember that? Of course you do That is also convention bro.

What wouldn't you give to change your past and go back to being the kid you were before all this shit? I would give almost anything for it. As we grow up, we all have regrets about things we have done and i have never met a man or woman in my life who wouldn't give it all just so he could go back to being a kid and fix his life mistakes.

And in today's sick society, almost all conventions are a failure of mankind. Social media has made people hollow and introverted and crazy for "likes". Sex has ruined the world; it has popularised prostitution and doomed the human race. Look at India. Sex. Sex. Sex. People. People. People.

Society today is a big failure so take pride in following your own path. But remember- virginity can never come back when lost. That's why i even typed this reply bro. Whatever decision you male about this can never be undone in your life. So i hope you don't end up like the millions of disappointed men and women nowadays and make a decision which will make you wish you could undo it.

So my advice is this- don't ask for opinions on such an important matter. Think it through yourself and determine the pros and cons of every alternative. Pave the path of your own life And then act on your decision!

So far, the only reason you have stated to sex before marriage is that it affects your confidence.

But confidence is your mental image of how society portrays you! And personally, in today's failed society, i don't care how it views me. Because what matters in my life is my opinion and my action. To hell with anything else! Build confidence from knowing you dare to do your own will (sex or not, make it your choice completely!).

Hope i could help

 

I am honoured beyond words right now bro. Please don't thank me; you have done more for me than i can ever do in return.

Thanks so so much yaar

 

It seems this forum is giving you a place to work thru your beliefs. That's great. Stick with what you know to be your true desire. I think your plan is a great one. You can't control the outcomes of relationships. There will always be disappointments in life. If your decisions are made by you, with your best intentions, who can question them.