Hi, I don't know where to begin. So I don't know what to do anymore because I am literally crying. It all started with my OCD and intrusive thoughts about god. Then it went to blasphemous thoughts about god. It got so bad that I contemplated suicide. then it started affecting me during PMO. When I was jerking off to porn those thoughts would occur. I kept on trying to beat those thoughts by trying to get one jerk off to porn without those thoughts. I am still here trying to get that final jerk off with porn without those thoughts but I realize it will never happen. There is a darkness inside me that keeps bringing these thoughts. So now when girls are saying "oh god" it triggers my OCD and for some reason, I get very uncomfortable jerking off when they say it. I have started to get weird penis twitching while jerking off every time those two words occur in a video. Usually when a girl says it. It mainly happens when jerking off. I feel like it's uncontrollable and at that moment I have no control of my penis. It has a mind of its own. I feel hopeless because it's getting really bad. Anyone who experience something similar can give me advice because I am really struggling.
1. Triggers: don’t indulge in pictures or video that bring down your walls over time 2. Delete any form of nudity on your devices 3. Don’t follow women who inspire thirst traps on social media 4. Meditate 5. Be with real people and not pixels
Hey Ishy, I was touched by reading your title. First of all: be very welcome here on nofap. I'm just a guy here and I was able to leave my addiction behind me. I hope to help others with my story. It seems that you have a really bad time behind you. Do you believe in God as it seems you have a connection on that area? I know that blaspheming is not helping me much in my life. It always brings something negative. Fortunately lately I don't need to blaspheme any more. I think you have a lot of burden on your shoulders. I think you can use some serious help with your problems, don't you? What you can do is creating a journal here where you open up yourself, but I know that needs a little courage. But when you start opening up, it will help you enormously. We all need somebody that listen to us right? You need to understand what is happening in your head. Your porn addiction Your connection with blaspheming, (that actually has become a fetish for you). Your OCD And the issues that caused the OCD, what is - I think - some anxiety. I would focus on the porn/masturbation addiction. You could do a 90 day challenge, that is that your goal is to reach 90 days without having used porn or having masturbated. The first goal then could be 7 days, or 3 days. And then up to 14, 21, 30, 60 and 90 days. We use porn as a plaster for our wounded soul. So while you struggle yourself out of your "plaster" you will be able to see with more clarity what kind of pain you try to cover with porn. And then you need somebody who helps you to face and process this pain. See it like an onion. We need to peel off layer by layer before we can reach the core. Hang on, you are on a good place here. I wish you the best!
So, I'm a little confused and im just gonna call it out. Are you even trying NoFap? You just explained crying while jerking off and feeling blasphemously horrible while doing it? And you say you don't know what your problem is? No offence, but don't be stupid. You know EXACTLY what to do. I'll give you a hint, it involves something you SHOULDN'T be doing. I am not trying to be an arsehole for the fun of it. I wanna slap some sense into you with this reply and I want you to say honestly, and out loud what you should bloody well stop doing. You feel bad. Why? The answer from my perspective is astoundingly simple. Go ahead. Say it.
Can it be the muscles twitching during ejaculation. I am a long time ocd suffer. I have been through hocd and pocd.
You say that, and yet you didn't say what it is that you should stop doing - so nothing has changed. Nothing changes if nothing changes. The end. I may or may not post again after your response to this - but remember i'm not trying to be mean. I love ya man, and I wish the best... but the best will start with you. So wake up, and even if you don't say it in a reply on this forum but SAY IT to yourself. Name your enemy, define it clearly...it has made you weak and submissive. Do you want that?
People with ocd and addicted, will get triggerd by a small things, because they compare a small event in real life to that to the porn scenes they watched and finally end up relapsing. So i will give you an advice, don't fight this thoughts,instead give this thoughts a dopamine from some other ways possible.
