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Does loneliness feel good to you?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by DOWN2SUCCEED, Sep 10, 2022.

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  1. Sep 10, 2022 #1
    DOWN2SUCCEED

    DOWN2SUCCEED Fapstronaut

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    Whenever I think of all my friends and acquaintances who are in loving relationships, I oftentimes reflect on my own status in that particular area. I think of how long I've gone without even being hugged by someone in a "romantic" sort of way (although I somewhat doubt romantic hugs are even a thing). Sure, I've got plenty of friends whom I can share my honest feelings with in a reciprocal and intimate way, but there's always that one nagging feeling of longing for a partner.

    Not long after such thoughts invade my mind, I start looking on the Internet for answers to my predicament - you know, stuff along the lines of "will I be alone forever?" or "am I really that unattractive?", not to mention the life-long classic: "am I ugly?" The answers, naturally, tend to be of a positive and reassuring nature - which is all well and good, of course, since there's really no point in kicking someone while they're down. But no matter what, if I don't get a single answer that says "yes, you are alone and ugly and all of those other things, and you deserve to remain alone for that", I won't stop until I find that one piece of text that does, indeed, reveal that I somehow deserve to be lonely.

    And when I do find it, it's glorious! Cathartic, even! Just knowing that wallowing in my own loneliness is completely and utterly justified makes me the happiest guy around. Deep inside, of course, I'm just as miserable as I was before, maybe even a tad more; furthermore, I have most likely wasted valuable energy and time searching for something that does not benefit me in the slightest.

    …And yet, I keep doing the same thing, over and over again… Like I was addicted to it, or something.

    Has anyone else experienced something like this? I want to know your thoughts, since I truly hope I'm not the only one who's into this sort of thing.
     
    DOWN2SUCCEED, Sep 10, 2022
    DOWN2SUCCEED, Sep 10, 2022
    #1
    rjrw92 likes this.
  2. Sep 10, 2022 #2
    TheHouseAlwaysWins

    TheHouseAlwaysWins Fapstronaut

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    I don't do this, but I think I know what you mean. It's almost like you're getting off (not sexually) on feeling the negativity. I can only begin to speculate on why this is a thing people do, but often is related to depression or anxiety, more specifically learned helplessness, where feeling powerless and bad about yourself is comforting because you're so used to it.
     
    TheHouseAlwaysWins, Sep 10, 2022
    TheHouseAlwaysWins, Sep 10, 2022
    #2
    Conqueror_J47 and Buddhabro2.0 like this.
  3. Sep 10, 2022 #3
    ajstath

    ajstath Fapstronaut

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    Haha, this is relatable. I have similar thoughts on bad days and search for 'answers' online. I think we just want to be able to easily justify our misery. I guess it's laziness, to an extent. Plus, when you're so used to feeling miserable, it becomes so familiar that it's almost like a very unhealthy comfort blanket.

    I'm currently single and absolutely love the freedom, yet I still get thoughts that I want to be in a relationship (even though I always hated being in relationships). In fact, just this past week, I've been on dating apps knowingly wasting my time looking for a partner that I definitely don't want. It's bizarre. Our brains work in such stupid ways.
     
    ajstath, Sep 10, 2022
    ajstath, Sep 10, 2022
    #3
    Buddhabro2.0 likes this.
  4. Sep 26, 2022 #4
    zeke27

    zeke27 Fapstronaut

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    No, it doesn’t feel good at all
     
    zeke27, Sep 26, 2022
    zeke27, Sep 26, 2022
    #4
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  5. Sep 26, 2022 #5
    IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
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    I will be very surprised if you find anyone else that finds wallowing in their own loneliness cathartic. That is just weird! o_O
     
    IGY, Sep 26, 2022
    IGY, Sep 26, 2022
    #5
    DOWN2SUCCEED likes this.
  6. Sep 26, 2022 #6
    Liege Blåhaj

    Liege Blåhaj Moderator
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    Loneliness never feels good to me. But it's been around so long that it sort of numbs me and that numbness can be comfortable.
     
    Liege Blåhaj, Sep 26, 2022
    Liege Blåhaj, Sep 26, 2022
    #6
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  7. Sep 26, 2022 #7
    DOWN2SUCCEED

    DOWN2SUCCEED Fapstronaut

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    The human mind works like that sometimes, I guess.
     
    DOWN2SUCCEED, Sep 26, 2022
    DOWN2SUCCEED, Sep 26, 2022
    #7
    ajstath likes this.
  8. Sep 27, 2022 #8
    Max666

    Max666 Fapstronaut

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    Personally, I think of loneliness as empowering. It's really a great force when you think about it. When you're all loved up and everything's warm, fuzzy and perfect do you really feel inspired to climb Everest? I see it all the time, people in relationships, they build this soft pink glow around, this support network and when it starts to fade, they fade with it and all their superpowers, zapped out of them. They become addicted to other people's affection for them, a kind of narcissism, 100% ego. Love doesn't last forever but human spirit does. If you live your life as honest as you can (to yourself) and you have integrity and pride, that should be enough but people are conditioned to think the relationship will chase your demons away and all that. I say dont have demons in the first place. The demon is your ego.
     
    Max666, Sep 27, 2022
    Max666, Sep 27, 2022
    #8
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  9. Sep 27, 2022 #9
    Conqueror_J47

    Conqueror_J47 Fapstronaut

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    Someone has named it correctly: learned helplessness.

    Now let me even scare you the more: no matter how ugly, impoverished, dumb or even deformed you are, YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE LONELY!

    There is absolutely no excuse that absolves you from doing the work you need to do in order to meet people. Face it! It's your responsibility, 100%!

    "The only thing standing between you and your goals, are those silly excuses you keep telling yourself". -- sorry, can't remember the author.
     
    Conqueror_J47, Sep 27, 2022
    Conqueror_J47, Sep 27, 2022
    #9

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