Do your gf/wife make your fantasies come true ?

My fantasies would require 3 GFs

Edit: having a hard time getting just one off

 

For me personally, most of my fantasies were heavily porn influenced and not exactly appropriate for a loving, healthy, sexual relationship in marriage. Sure, what guy hasn't thought about FMF 3-some, but to violate the sacred marriage bed and bring another person in to what was intended to be intimate one on one experience and express of love is just wrong for me now. Unfortunately, after half my life of viewing porn (and some of it pretty hardcore and extreme) those fantasies are still there. They don't go away. Or for me they haven't yet.

However, I now have a different view on my sex life with my wife and what is appropriate and not appropriate. I would never bring these fantasies to her and ask that she fulfill them for me. I wouldn't respect her in the end for compromising herself and our marriage if she would. I have more respect for and our marriage then to put that pressure on her. Instead, I recognize that the fantasies are inappropriate and not to be entertained or acted on. I recognize them as impure and unhealthy. Corrupted by the years of porn use.

The key then for me is to find what are the healthy and appropriate fantasies that I have that my wife and I can act on and that will bring us together, build intimacy and connection and make us stronger as a couple and our love deeper. I would guess that line would vary greatly for each couple and depend on their upbringing and sense of what normal healthy sexuality looks like. For me, things like toys, oral, anal stimulation, sexy lingerie, sex in somewhat risky locations, etc. all feel safe, appropriate, fun, erotic and healthy. I draw the line at involving any other people in the process (watching, participating, etc.).

 

520 days pmo free and you still have porn induced fetishes? I thought they go away at some point

 

No, I definitely am not engaging in any porn induced or fetish based stuff with my wife. I am also not in anyway consumed by those images or fantasies that I used to have. I wouldn't say I have fetishes anymore. However, as all of us can easily do, images can easily be brought to mind based on porn we've watched. I can easily recall specific scenes in pornos, even specific photos from my youth in print porn magazines. They are permanently etched in my brain. However, what I do with those is the key. Does something trigger one of those images or scenes and then I simply push it out and stop thinking about it, or do I allow my brain to entertain it, fantasize over it, let the video keep rolling in my mind's eye, etc.? That is the difference. Things my eyes have taken in might pop back up, I'm now in a place that I can recognize that for what it is an push it out of my mind, whereas in the past I wouldn't have done that. It was this escalating progression. I would entertain it and even pursued those kinds of things by looking for more porn in that style or genre and then even seeking out anonymous people or find girls online that were into that stuff and try to fulfill those thoughts and fantasies. I would think about, fantasize on, learn all I could about that fetish and then feel I HAD to experience it as well. Never with my wife, always with other people outside my marriage. Yes, porn led to unfaithfulness with my wife. Now, it's completely different. It's only my wife, it's only healthy sexual relations, desires and fantasies. The images are still there that could lead to unhealthy fantasies, but I have the power to stop that progression and nip it in the bud. I guess what I'm saying is that a thought, image or scene from the past that is porn induced does not a fantasy make. It stays as just that. A thought. It's what you do with those thoughts that determines the future. Does that make sense?

 

I'm on the same page as @Ted Martin .
The issue with intimacy, when porn made you develop "preferences", is that you are the only one with the taste for those things in the couple.
So everything will become a special request. Not all ladies will accept that. some might, but because its porn-induced, you won't likely get what you need. Of course, if you date a new girl and try to get your kinks satisfied, your mileage may vary.

There is something called the Coolidge effect, that make the person searching for novelty. So even if you get your fantasies (some of them) fulfilled, you will experience the sme level of emptyness after. Fantasies are not half as good to live than what you expect.

Also, if you get a loving girlfriend, but not willing to "help you" live your fantasies, you will get bored of her, will not enjoy the sex as much, and you have the chance to turn back to porn to indulge into your fetishes and fantasies.

Don't get me wrong, its possible to have sex and introduce a few toys (if accepted by the lady, not imposed) and a little bit of lingerie. Role-play is possible.

But the real goal is to learn how to real sex without the need for any porn-induced add-ons...Those add-ons are aquired tastes to you, image what they are to the regular girl.

There is ladies on here that were "influenced" into helping their BF or husband to fulfill his desires and fetishes...those girls end up broken, because they did it to be loved...they traded on-demand kinky sex for love...search for SADNESS7's story...

The porn addict, even if he stopped watching, shall get rid of sexual thoughts. Those fetishes and desires to live a kinky life shall be put to rest.
I wish all a fulfilling sex life, don't get me wrong, but its already hard to find the right person to share your life with, imagine if your fantasies are pushing the woman you love to do weird things...

bonding and love trumps the race to orgasms.....

 

I think if you have a PMO problem then until and unless one untangles themselves from it completely and rediscovers himself/herself it's hard to understand what you really desire in the sex area. It might seem the opposite right now. If you are deep into PMO or just recovering then you might in fact feel strongly that you want all those fantasies to come true (regardless of their inappropriateness). That's what porn does to you and it does it so smoothly,sometimes one starts to feel its what they truly want.
My advise is reboot first and once you're sure that you have gotten PMO out of your life and especially out of your head,then assess what you want with sex. Then only you can differentiate what you real feel/fantasise about and the porn/fap induced fantasies. Porn is not real sex.

Put a trigger warning before you put a thread like this.

It seems to me that still that you still have a long way to go . I don't mean to judge you but i can't help but feel that your post speaks of a screwed up attitude towards sex and women (especially whats in it in the black bold letters above(the red's me though) because you really seem to look forward to getting them enacted).
IMO,this thread doesn't really belong here(on a site where people are trying to recover from porn and its effects) but on some other site, because mostly you do not seem to have a problem with porn and the completely inappropriate fantasies it induces. I may be wrong though.

 

I have those too, I think it depends more on how you view sex than anything else. In a lot of cases it's from porn I didn't even watch and i just liked the idea

 

So, here is a perspective from an SO. I have watched porn over the past 25 years, I am not addicted to it, and I have certainly been less enchanted since finding out my husband is addicted and it was ruining his life. I believe that fantasies I have had have been influenced by things P I have read and seen, it is a powerful force, some images are literally burned into my brain, and when I think about the sheer volume of images a PMO addict has watched, coupled with the M and O, there can be no doubt that it has influenced your fantasy life around sex. And distorted it.
There have been things I have wanted to "try" over the years, some he wanted to engage in, some he didn't. His comfort level within our relationship and sex life is much more important to me then any fantasy or game I want to play. His personal story is different then mine, and things that might seem sexy to me trigger him etc. I guess my point is, I love him, and our love life is fantastic, he doesn't need to interact with me in a fantasy for me to feel fulfilled.
Interesting side note, we have been together for 25 years, and he is 110 days into his first reboot. Our love life was always hot, but the intensified free streaming porn of the past five years really took its toll on our sex life. Recently he has admitted that he just doesn't know what is appropriate any more. He was so lost in his PMO addiction that he has lost touch with what is his inner life and what has been superimposed from the P. He is waking up from his PMO coma, and is feeling better every day, but it is hard to face the dark place he was in, and how out of wack it all got for him, but he acknowledges that it wasn't about sex, or me, it was an obsession that he really hated toward the end, it was stealing his life. Just my .02

 

Porn fantasies are lies. That is it. I've heard stories of guys spitting on their girlfriends the first time they have sex because they saw it in porn and thought it was normal, and the girl flips out and leaves. Porn makes sex selfish, all about you and pleasuring yourself only, no matter what that requires the other person to do or endure. The best sex is about the other person. If you are focused on how your partner is feeling and paying close attention to their needs, your own sex will be so much better. Sex is about a connection and a relationship, not about fantasies to make yourself feel good.

 

While I agree that fantasies caused by porn are not to be seen as normal, sometimes they are actually part of reality.
I for one have had a with two women who happened to like a lot of things I picked up from porn.
I'm not going into detail in order to avoid triggering anyone, but some women like being used and degraded during sex. Not all the time and with its limits, but sometimes women are as kinky as one could imagine. If one happens to have a partner who shares the same fantasies of which you thought that they would never be fulfilled, that is amazing. But don't expect it to be the case. See it as more of a bonus, an extra. Cherish and respect your partner and care for them. That is the essence which is most important to the whole thing. If you happen to share some fantasies, even better. But it should be the icing on the cake, not the cake itself.

 

Personally I like where this guy is coming from. Were I married, I would look forward to being able to share fantasies with each other and be creative about it. Not all fantasies are bad....at least I don't think so. Personally, I would just draw the line on anything that would involve bringing another person in, or that could permanently mess up our health D:

Some people don't like that and aren't comfortable with sex like that, though. Get to know someone and their sexual preferences before being committed to them...Like what other people are saying on here, the relationship should be mainly based on the connection and companionship and the sexual fantasies are like icing on the cake, but in my opinion sexual compatibility is still an important part of the relationship, and shouldn't be overlooked.

But maybe I'm still in a bad mental state where I prioritize sex too much because of my addictions. I hope not, but I guess take what I say with a grain of salt...

 

I think this is good advice. I am curious to see if my sexual attitudes and desires change after completely rebooting.

 

Umm.. I am doubtful that wives can satisfy your fantasies.. By the time you make your gf your wife she'd be like in her 30's+, gained weight and you would've slept with her so much.

Thou I am not one to say as I am probably gonna be single forever!

 

Please tell me you are joking.
You never know when you could develop new fantasies/ kinks and when you and/ or your partner may want to try new things to spice your love life up.
Your statement is nothing short of offensive and immature.

With an attitude like that? Not unlikely.

 

Haha! took the words right out of my mouth. Good sex is more about being in the moment then acting out a scene from your fantasy. I have been with the same guy for 25 years, and he still makes my heart race, not sure why, lucky I guess.

 

Aww, this is wonderful!!!! Thank you for sharing, I'm so happy for you

P.S. I don't think this is luck so much as something totally achievable through no PMO and lots of good connection and O-less sex

 

How was my statement nothing short of immature and offensive? Okay! maybe a little, but that depends on how one interprets it. If all it was, it was just true statement spoken rather bluntly......

By the time she becomes your wife she would be somewhere in her 30's+ (likely true), gained some weight (true as well.) and you would've slept with her more than once. (Absolutely true.) Which means your wild fantasies of sleeping with a <insert type of girl> would've been fulfilled before she became your wife or the 1st time you had sex together. Makes sense to you no? Why'd your inner most fantasy come true after she becomes your wife??? (Unless you'd those old fashion morale's of not having sex til marriage.)

If you had sex with the same person 100 times. On the 101th time does your fantasy come true? No, since your fantasy would've been fulfilled the 1st time you slept with her which no longer makes it a fantasy anymore. You see I assumed he meant fantasies like sleeping with a pretty redhead, a cute asian or a blonde bombshell etc. I wasn't thinking along the lines of inventing new fantasies/kinks of having sex with your wife. That just never crossed my mind! Besides, it's more proper to call something like feet sex, dressed in anime or anything you develop with your wife fetishes rather than fantasies. (Personal opinion so I wouldn't wanna argue with that...)

Now, the point of all this is.... I was just trying to be a "Logic Nazi". Yet for some reason you interpreted it like I just dropped the A-Bomb on feminism/wives. You need to take a chill pill.....