Do you really want to quit?

I think it had a lot to do with how far down we’ve fallen.
I binged on hookups for the last 18 months and did things I never thought I would do.
I either needed to fully give myself over to that life or do a complete 180 and get clean. I don’t want to completely fuck up my life.
In my case, giving up PMO and hookups means I might never O again. I’m married but we have not had sex for 5 years. We might not ever.
I’m at the point where I’m ok with that.

 

Not impossible. Highly unlikely but not impossible.
If we do end up having sex again I would like to do Karezza where I don’t orgasm.

 

For decades, I really tried to stop. Going to meetings, being on forums, counseling, filters, reading books. Looking back, I honestly didn't know how to stop. It's really frustrating. Too much bad advice was given too me over the decades. It took a move of God to set me on a path that I believe works for me. Too much wrong thinking on this forum as of today. Makes it hard for everyone here to know how to stop. I don't associate the lack of success all to lack of trying.

 

It does take a move of God. He has a way out for each of us, but we have to be open to it. For a long time, I was not willing to look at His way out for me. I’ve wasted a lot of time trying to do it myself.

 

What's helped me significantly is understanding that it's not about what I'm doing, but what's going on in my brain. Most of my journey has been characterized with trying to stop the behaviors. Yet not paying a whole lot of attention on my lust and fantasy. And so I'm guilty of heating up my brain with thoughts and looks of lust, and then wondering why I was craving to act out so bad. If only I had taken lust and fantasy more seriously. One look or thought always leads to another and another. It's just easier for me to say, "No," to the first one. Then there won't be a second, or a third, or a fifth, or an eighth. And if I condition my eyes and mind not to look at or think on such things that my addict would jump out with, then the look or thought won't turn into lust.
And if I don't lust, I won't crave.
And if I don't crave, I won't cave.
Game over. I win.

With the help of God, keeping my brain's toxicity level at around 3 or 4, makes it much easier to deal with saying, "No," to porn. Whereas, before, my brain's toxicity level constantly roamed around 7-8. That's a huge difference. I've found it to be a much easier path.

 

I do but whenever I get an urge it’s like…..

My mind is telling me nooooo!

BUT MY BODYYYYYY!

MY BODY’S TELLING ME YEEEEEEEES!

 

I have struggled with this addiction for far too long now, Longer than I anticipated, so yes I truly want to quit!