Do you ever wonder why?(For people with fantasizing problems) (May have triggers)

I don't know why you have them. But I can share a sure way to reduce them. Just get busy and busier. Get involved in something very seriously. It's hard for fist few tries but gets easy as you do it.

Try it .

Regards

 

I can relate to this problem with fantasizing and the problem is that essentially sex fantasizing IS porn, just mental porn. Or rather, porn and pics/erotica help fuel our fantasies. So the root issue is sex fantasizing and imagining we are with a person when in reality we are not. And i consider this stems from out incapacity to accept we are lonely or alone.

So out mind creates these fantasies to soothe ourselves... which is not good.

I think sexsomnia issue is related to that and your subconscious playing the same scenario. The good news is that you did get some control in real life and control in sleep will follow. When i was on good streaks and very determined I would literally stop a sex dream while it was happening and even if i ejaculated in the dream i did not ejaculate in real life

 

I really hope this is the case hey, and I think it is. And replying to the OP, I've found the longer I go nofap, the less those thoughts bombard me. It's been interesting, now when I look at women if they're especially beautiful I find it quite hard to look away. Of course I want to have sex with them but in a more humane way, first I want to get to know them and take it through all the right stages. But it's like this thought in a blink of an eye, very hard to explain. Maybe I'm just sugarcoating my lust for them idk. reminds me of how I used to feel when I was 12 years old or something though. Does anyone relate to this?

All these changes have been interesting though. I feel like nowadays I don't get that instant dopamine hit when I unintentionally see a photo of a half naked chick scrolling thru instagram or whatever, feels like I look at it and appreciate it for a second and no longer have that instant thought of wanting to cum.

 

I feel like and hope I'm on the road to where you are now, Tankus. If images were forced on me right now I think I'd be hard pressed to get turned on. It'd most likely be meh... even if the pics were the things most likely to turn me on. I see that as a big positive after 43 days no PM. But the thoughts, whoa, different story.

Most of us know what a tough relentless enemy the PMO wired brain can be. Mine sure is. It's interesting that after most or all the brain's chess piece tantalizing thoughts are knocked off the board, there is the queen, tough as nails. It's one big piece that will take time and probably therapy eventually to knock off the board.

The queen is my ex-wife and the thoughts are about her sexual escapades which I encouraged and eagerly fed off for nearly 3 years before she went into alcoholism recovery and filed for divorce. A year after the divorce and going on 3 years since she moved out, here I am with these sledgehammer sexual thoughts. They aren't just pornographic, they are pornography.

One of the unplanned benefits of PMO withdrawal is to see clearly what's at the core of my dysfunction. Not sure, but I think all other fetishes that I accumulated over the years (as sick and depraved as it gets without crossing into illegal) were a cheap substitute for my real obsession, my ex-wife with an endless supply of other men. I'm pretty sure I know what that's about and will deal with it in time. For now basic mental and physical recovery is job one.

 

I've still got a long ways to go, but I wonder if meditation and mindfulness exercises would help. It could help by getting you to focus on the moment you are living instead of speculation. I've started meditating every morning (even if it's just a couple of minutes!) and I've been finding it a lot easier to focus during the day. I still over-sexualize women, but I also found it to be less intense and often. I highly recommend trying it at least.


EDIT: I found another user shared this video (user "im_broken"). I don't agree with this guy's stance on what "thinking" is, but I think his discussion on not always thinking is useful:

 

If you practice it enough you will be able to simply watch the antics of the mind in a humorous way. Like the actions of a child without the need to follow through on the thoughts.

 

I just tried for two weeks to not masturbate and not indulge in my fantasies. It failed. The more I abstain from masturbation, the less I can concentrate, the more fantasies fill my mind. Masturbation feels like a relief.

I just enjoy these fantasies too much. I think it is easier for people to let go if they have some sort of shame or guilt attached to their fantasies. I don't. My fantasies are not inhumane, I don't see anything terrible about them.

However, it can be annoying to constantly be distracted by fantasies. I often have trouble concentrating on the tasks at hand because I am tempted by fantasies.

I have done that all my life. Most fantasies are not even of sexual nature. I just like to imagine stories, game rules, etc. I think it is a life long habit and it is just incredibly hard to simply chuck it out of my life. I am sure some of you will have similar issues.

 

Exactly, that is precisely my point. I have started to see improvement from meditation.