I thought of doing this self improvement project with myself. But in order for me to do that project I needed to ask myself this very important question first. What do I do, or NOT do because I fear what other people will think? Whatever those things are I will actively do them or try NOT to do them. After just weeks or months my confidence and connection to reality will increase if I continue this project. It will probably be the hardest thing I've ever done because I've struggled with Social Anxiety for a few years now. Peaking of course when I was a veteran fapper. I'm curious and want to hear the answers to people on this forum's to this same question? I think it matters because we could all gain profitably by doing this. Answers that I can think of at the top of my head right now are, I do not sing in front of others, play my own music when others can hear it, show people my drawings, or my body. How about you guys?
I personally found a way not to care in any way about what people think of what i do. The problem is even digging in my memory I can't seem to see the start of it, what i can tell you are the results and maybe at one point i'll get an Idea. I have no problems at doing practically anything in pubblic, istead I'm gassed about seeing other people reaction (it probably started from watching eric andre, go check him). I've not had the idea "oh but this is cringy" or even said that word in at least 6 months. I feel a lot more open and give the right weight to everything that happens, if i spill a cup of coffe on a girl or insult somebody in pubblic I mostly start laughing or help the problem out and then just forget about it. A solution for you may be: if you feel like somebody will judge you for something (until it's something that doesn't help you in any way) just do it. Try hanging out with somebody and be a mad dude whenever anyone tries not to do something or to stop you not to be cringe, try seeing it from the other person perspective and imagine how at the end of the day they won't even know you ever existed anyways
When you make yourself less visible, hide who you are, play it safe, walk on eggshells, filter your personality, etc... you protect yourself from rejection or critique, but you also ruin any chance of developing deeper relationships. You become mediocre, bland, and generic to the point of being liked by everyone, but also forgettable and replaceable. You're essentially trying to convince others not to dislike you. "If I say or do very little, then I won't get hurt." It's a way to avoid tension, discomfort, and uncertainty. It's also a way to avoid growth and conditions you to believe that you aren't able to handle negative experiences. It reinforces the belief that you are someone that should be ashamed and you're not good enough. It affects every other part of your life. You might be able to achieve an easy, certain, and comfortable life, but it won't be fulfilling. Just like how it is with porn. People who do this try to conserve energy and protect themselves from possible harm. It's very self centered and that's why it's hard for them to connect with others and develop better relationships. Yes, you protect yourself in the short run, but do incredible harm to yourself in the long run. What's comfortable now becomes uncomfortable later (instant gratification). What's uncomfortable now becomes comfortable later (delayed gratification). When you look at it from this understanding, you're able to place more importance on the person you want to become and the life that you want to have (doing the scary, difficult, and uncertain things you know you should be doing to attain that) rather than on the short term pain, problems, negative experiences, judgement from others, failure, and rejection. The longer you wait to do this, the harder it will be to erase that conditioning and steer it in the right direction. When I started doing this it was very hard to see that a lot of people that I had in my life during that time went away because they didn't like the real me. They only liked the me that tried to be liked by everyone. Eventually I found the right people and my relationships with them became the best I ever had. You can never find your better place, with better people, as a better version of yourself if you're not expressing yourself honestly.
One should only care about the opinions of the ones you care about. It is hard to do but I think it is the best way to put it.
