Despair

Been on self-improvement journey for a long time. Its been like 10+ years that Ive read Way of the Superior Man for instance.

Longest I ever went was 133 days I think no PMO. I did bust with a chick once or twice during that.

Lately its been on and off still w PMO.

In a lot of ways Im doing better than ever (with career) but Im still in a shitty phase of my apprenticeship so Im still bored as f at work (construction apprentice - only second year and at a new company so gotta prove myself all over again)

I havent had much luck with chicks lately. Im in the US and I really dont like American women. Not having much luck finding any foreign girls Im attracted to.

Im a weird case. In a lot of ways Ive been spoiled. Ive attended lots of seminars, read tons of self improvement books, banged lots of chicks. Feel a strange combination of apathy and scepticism. Barely trust most therapists as I could talk around them all day, I know the jargon.

I just PMOd 3x in the past 24 hours even after journaling about PMO addiction and how to overcome it. Feel this strange sense of a lack of self-control and it really hurts, causing some major apathy.

Kind of looking to help some people out, maybe to be an accountability partner for a guy or two. I think my problem is deeper than superficial p addiction. Im just using p as a way to cope with major life stress, uncertainty, boredom and isolation. Im at a point where Im willing to try helping others instead of being self-centered about it. I think getting out of my head and helping others might be a good way to possibly counter all this restlessness.

Just kind of ranting. Anybody wanna shoot the sht? DM me if youre looking for accountability as well

 

I dont know your situation man but I appreciate the kind words. by the way, everyone has weird moments. If people saw me during some of mine, Im sure they would never look at me the same. I often talk to myself and laugh manically or indulge in the most obscure mental fantasies. P has a way of warping our minds because we're looking to escape reality. Reality is tough. Gotta find a way to win this battle more consistently is all.