Depressed

Today was generally a good day.

My class went well this morning, and I got some administrative stuff done in the afternoon.

Now, I am so depressed that I can't function.

I planned on doing my workout, but I can't rise to that.

Skipping it makes me feel guilty, and now I'm more depressed.

There is one thing I want to go to, which could give me a dopamine boost.

I was just surfing around the internet aimlessly wanting to go there.

Then, however, 24 days would be lost.

There are many, many reasons why I'm on such a major downer.

The campus was quiet today after most students have left for Thanksgiving.

I will be alone again for the holiday and again on Christmas.

Honestly, I don't care about holidays, but being without friends or family must be affecting me.

I'm also just really tired.

I should leave the house now.

I'll go out for some dinner, and then come home to bed.

In the morning, I'll feel better. Sleep is always a cure.

Thanks for reading.

 

Thank you.

It means the world to know that in those dark hours, someone cares.

A small note like this really does give me support I can feel.

I wish you all the best through your 100 days.

This is an ambitious goal, but you can reach it.

Many guys here have had great success, and you can too.

If you are ever going through a tough time, I hope I will be one of the people to help.

All the Best!

 

@Frühlingstimme I see you are one of the most active guys on this site, and you someone we all can count on.

Thanks for your response and advice.

Cheers!

 

I made it through the night and am feeling better today.

Food and extra sleep, in addition to the great support I've received here, were what I needed.

After my "Depressed" post, I left the house for dinner, as I planned.

I went to a little Mexican place, where I hadn't been in a while.

While the tables there are usually full with families, friends, and lovers, it's the kind of place where I can feel comfortable in a booth by myself.

Two Coronas were my limit, and they were a refreshing complement to a huge Mexican dinner.

Usually, I don't eat a lot, but when I do eat, I drown my sorrow in food.

(I did eat the whole basket of tortilla chips with salsa. That I could get away with because no one was looking.)

My body type is fairly average, but I do need to be careful about maintaining my weight.

That is why my workout is so important, and must be, to some degree, a daily habit.

Never have I, at age 44, had a girlfriend, or ever been on a date.

PMO has been all I've had in this area of life.

PMO is not the reason why I'm alone. It has been the other way around; PMO is my only option.

My involuntary celibacy, I have long known, is because of the way I look.

(The statement "looks don't matter" is absolutely false, and everyone knows that.)

Keeping my weight down and becoming more fit will make me look a little better and help me to feel better about myself.

That is the most for which I can hope, and this will be a lot to have.

I didn't have the energy to workout yesterday evening, not even after a Red Bull.

And, instead, I gorged myself on food and alcohol.

I don't feel at all guilty about that. It was what I needed to get through the night.

One technique of overcoming an addiction is to find a substitute for it.

It is better to eat and drink, than to fap.

 

@Leea

Thank you very much for taking the time to write this encouraging message to me.

I've read it several times, both last night and today.

Part of my program of NoFap is to spend more time in public, as you do in coffee shops.

Being in the public eye does control the urges, and you can see a bigger world in public.

One does feel, as you say, "less alone" in public, even when you are a stranger and the other people have their companions.

I've always been alone, and this is just my normal way of life.

Loneliness is not really my problem, but I still must admit that being alone, particularly during the holiday season, probably affects me some.

I noted on your profile that you are 41, and I suspect you are still single. I am 44, and have always been the same.

Stress can lead me into PMO, but stress can also work the other way.

My best successes against PMO were during very stressful times.

This spring, I went 30 days without porn or masturbation, and I succeeded because I was overwhelmed with teaching and church.

The stress of a heavy schedule suppressed all of my urges for those thirty days.

When that ended and I had more leisure and ease, those urges surged up, and I relapsed in a porn binge.

My recent 32 day streak was also due to the stress of a heavy fall semester.

Stress, as I said, can also make me want to escape into the world of porn.

You were on Day 10 yesterday, and you should mark this as a great milestone.

The first days drag, and it seems then like it will be forever before you make any progress.

Now, you've made it through the longest days. And, your count is in the double digits.

Your investment in days is bigger.

Keep going strong.

I, along with many other fapstronauts, are here to give you the support and encouragement you may need.

 

Thanks @WarriorScarr!

This is truth I need to hear, believe--and, most importantly, put into action.

Even more, this is the hope I needed to be given.

Thanks, Man!

 

The best part of my little story is that it helped you.

We can take courage from one another's struggles.

That's why we are all here.