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Day six I caved in, I feels bad

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Ogamisword, Mar 9, 2014.

  1. Mar 9, 2014 #1
    Ogamisword

    Ogamisword Fapstronaut

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    Saturday It was a battle and I caved in my urges, my withdrawal symptoms was terrible
    I was at the mall walking and at first I had this burst of energy but my eyesight was terrible and my adrenaline was in high gear, I then began to feel a bit irritated by boredom, I the began to walk more and started to cry, I had an anxiety attack and went somewhere secluded, I then was in the car, tempted to look at 4chan I went on my phone on /b/ and looked at hentai, a pixelated image appeared but I managed to turn away then I felt something in my brain, Daria sent me a text message and immediately I got an erection. I drove home and on the way I was craving a beer so I stopped at a liquor store bought a beer and drank home.

    Sleeping was a challenge I started to touch myself and my penis began to get hard I stared to have fantasies of girls that I like and began to play the devil's flute.


    I failed in my main goal but as punishment I will not go on the internet for a week and do nofap for two weeks now, I made an improvement of halting and eliminating porn in my life, ts been two weeks now since I fapped to porn. starting monday, no more internet I'm gonna hide it and never see it until next Monday.
     
    Ogamisword, Mar 9, 2014
    Ogamisword, Mar 9, 2014
    #1
  2. Mar 9, 2014 #2
    Hiroki

    Hiroki Fapstronaut

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    If punishing yourself is helpful, by all means do it. But honestly I find punishment only creates a cycle of failure. Have a little compassion for yourself. Diligence and vigor are the key, when I get lazy and lackadaisical at all (not talking about relaxing mindfully or doing nothing, those can be good when done MINDFULLY) but when I start getting mindless is when I start hearing the whispers of the sirens from the internet.

    Ever think of trying meditation?
     
    Hiroki, Mar 9, 2014
    Hiroki, Mar 9, 2014
    #2
  3. Mar 9, 2014 #3
    Progressive Death Mettle

    Progressive Death Mettle Fapstronaut

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    Punishing yourself doesn't work. Sorry!

    Install K9 and keep yourself (and especially your hands) occupied at all times. Will it still be a challenge? Fuck yes. But the rewards are immeasurable. Confidence, energy, sexual drive, and focus spill over to other areas of your life.

    You and I and everyone on this forum will always be addicts. Even a person who goes 10-15 years without PMO must always fear relapse. Be vigilant. Be humble. And ALWAYS challenge yourself.
     
    Progressive Death Mettle, Mar 9, 2014
    Progressive Death Mettle, Mar 9, 2014
    #3
  4. Mar 9, 2014 #4
    AnythingIsPossible

    AnythingIsPossible Fapstronaut

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    6 days is brilliant, relapsing doesn't detract at all from that accomplishment. I just went 4 days and relapsed, I felt shit but then realised that I did 4 days without batting an eye lid. We are all improving, sometimes it's hard to see the importance of 6 days here and there when you look at some of the bigger streaks people have built up, but everyone is different. We learn the most when we're struggling, just see it like exercise, if it hurts it's working. If it doesn't hurt, you're not doing it right or you never had a problem to begin with. Don't sweat because of relapses, see it as a way to experience recovery.

    You're strong and amazing and you can beat this :)
     
    AnythingIsPossible, Mar 9, 2014
    AnythingIsPossible, Mar 9, 2014
    #4
  5. Mar 10, 2014 #5
    mac92

    mac92 Fapstronaut

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    Ogamisworld-

    I really feel for you, man. I think it's a bible verse that talks about falling 6 times but getting back up 7. You aren't a failure until you stop trying. Simple as that. Punishment can be helpful, just remember the real punishment is allowing your addiction to keep your mind under its control.

    You're breaking free man. I'm just about to beat my longest streak since starting nofap the beginning of this year. These first 9 days have felt as easy as the very first one. I'm not a scientist, but I do believe actively quitting with a few relapses isn't detrimental to your overall reboot. Today I feel as though PMO is not even a part of me anymore.

    Good luck on your journey.
     
    mac92, Mar 10, 2014
    mac92, Mar 10, 2014
    #5
  6. Mar 10, 2014 #6
    sanchy

    sanchy Fapstronaut

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    O,
    All I can add is that remember this is a process. As long as you continue putting the work and time into the process, results will be better and better. Don't give up!
     
    sanchy, Mar 10, 2014
    sanchy, Mar 10, 2014
    #6

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