Day 18 have been speaking to a girl from dating site for couple of days and was wondering...

May I suggest that you don't make it a date, but just a meet-up to chat? That way, it's informal and fun.

I don't know whether it will be unique or not, but I'm sure that she'll appreciate a sincere gesture.

If she doesn't want to, she'll make an excuse like, "I'm not ready for that right now" or "I'm too busy" or something like that. If she does, say, "Well, if you change your mind, give me a shout and we'll arrange it." It's really that simple!

Here are two ways it can go badly. The first is to make it about you and not about her. That's easy to prevent: be curious, ask her questions, listen intently, and remember that you have two ears and just one mouth (i.e. listen at least twice as much as you talk).

The second is if she's a psycho or something. In that case, it will be great if it goes badly, because you'll be warned off! But that's unlikely to be the case

Relax, dude, I think that you're overthinking it. Just arrange it, and if she agrees, be sure to relax and make it fun. That's all that people want right now.

 

Why? You're still overthinking it! You're not directing aircraft. There's nothing to crash.

Just contact her and say, "Hey, do you wanna meet up virtually? I'm feeling a bit bored and would like some fun. Let me know a couple of times when you're available, and I'll let you know which one suits me."

It's easy, if you just relax and treat her like a friend. She doesn't want you to put her on a pedestal and treat her like a queen. She just wants you to be real and normal and friendly.

 

OK, then, what would you say to a friend?

If you don't know, and you feel not "very good at reaching out", why don't you try what I suggested? It just might work

Remember — the very worst that can happen is that she doesn't want to, in which case OK, reach out to someone else. (If she responds rudely, that's a good thing, because it means that she's a poor-quality person and you can rule her out forever. But that sort of person, luckily, is rare.)

You're still uptight and overthinking it. Just relax and go with the flow, in an easygoing way, because when you do that, it gives other people permission to do the same, and they'll like you for doing that. Give this girl the gift of your presence. I'm sure that you're a decent bloke.

 

There you go, LonelyKu.

The thing about building disaster scenarios in our minds is that what really happens is never that bad!

You've learned something, so well done. I'm not disappointed

 

Does she live near you? For gosh sakes, man, ask her for any kind of get together and JUST TALK TO HER IN PERSON. Do it with 10 woman...you need practice.

 

Yeah, your're right, but hold on to my thoughts and practice txting her maybe. The right words can get you both off anyway. Cheerio...

 

That probably means, "If you play your cards right and keep cool like you've been doing, you're the one whom I'm going to fuck." If you lose your shit over this (put your "emotions into quarantine" — no, dude, no!), you have no chance. She wants a man, and when you act all uncool, you're not being the man whom she needs. Just stay cool; say, "OK, that's not my business, and he can keep you busy when you're not with me." Stop investing so much in one girl who isn't your gf, and you might win this one right into your bed.

 

… Oh, and this is also a good result, because it shows that she's a cheater. She might be good as a "friend with benefits", but she's no good as a gf.

 

I’m currently in a relationship too and need help. So basically I’ve just joined this Community, before I would just read off of other people’s threads but I took lead to actually make an account. Basically I started PMO when I was 16 I believe and I am 18 now, there were times when I would stop doing it because I just thought it was a bad habit so I had gaps sometimes but not long ones. Since I got older I did it more and more and had sex with 2 people, the first encounter was with a 23 year old and at first I was nervous and got soft but she got me back up and after that many times I wouldn’t have a problem getting hard and would have a(n) HARD erection, no problems with her at all just the first time I was nervous so I get that. 7 months no sex, no anything, just PMO and I did it once every day or sometimes every other night before I went to sleep. I didn’t PMO a lot because of guilt but I did it once everyday/ever other day and never would do it twice, rarely did that. Now I’m with my current girlfriend and the first time I had sex with her I wasn’t very hard and she had to give oral to get me back up and my executions wasn’t very hard, I was surprised to actually do it with her but we switched positions and got soft and couldn’t finish, funny too because I lasted longer with her and didn’t finish than I did with the 23 year old so I’m guessing DE. Couple weeks ago I tried and couldn’t get hard at all, and that’s when I discovered NOFAP and right now I’m 24 days in, just got oral twice but I wouldn’t count it as a relapse, didn’t O. Since 24 days I have no urges at all to PMO to porn like AT ALL and I wouldn’t say flatline because I get occasional boners randomly and I get MW, so I think I’m healing so fast because I only PMO for only 2 years not very long. But now when I try with my girl I get soft, like my erections are like 60% maybe more sometimes. So I may be thinking I have performance anxiety but ever since 24 days, my erections are getting better and lasting a little bit longer but I have yet to try with my current girlfriend right now. Sorry for this long thread, I just kinda need some advice ? I have no urges to masturbate to porn at all and I think Iwon’t for a while, I know it sounds delusional but seriously think I can do it.

 

Sorry, with my bad eyes, I find it extremely hard to read such long sentences in a single paragraph.

It's excellent that you have no urges for porn at the moment. Maybe it'll stay that way, maybe it won't, but be sure to never watch porn again!

I see that you're worried about your flatline. But you're only 24 days in. People can have flatline three or four months after their last masturbation and porn, so be patient.

You might also have performance anxiety, of course. For that, don't put any pressure on yourself, and maybe spend some time satisfying your girl without having sex? Of course, she'd need to agree to that first.

Good luck!

 

Thanks , but yea I think I have performance anxiety as well because when it gets to “THAT” moment my body just starts shaking uncontrollably and I don’t feel nervous at all, like I tell myself that I’m tryna have sex and that I’m not nervous but my body is saying different. I hate it a lot , but my question is I only PMO since 16, I’m 18 now, and I was on and off with that.

Was wondering will it be a shorter reboot for me since I only did it two years/once maybe twice a night/huge quit moments. Like I didn’t do it a lot, but yea. I’ll get semi boners in the morning all the time, they’re not that hard like they used to be. I can say for sure my penis looks better and is more sensitive then before. Even if I please my girl without sex I might get a semi homer but it’ll shortly go down.

 

Time to move on. She friend zoned you. Sorry it's not gonna happen. Use this experience to learn from your mistake. Never entertain a woman talking to you about another man. Plus, her telling you she's willing to cheat is a big no no. Don't even be foolish to think that it's gonna be with you.

You can salvage the situation, but it would require a major shift in your thinking. Are you up for the challenge?

 

I think you should see a neurologist just to get the functional part out of the way. Then, if there is nothing going on biologically it's a good bet you can solve this with a good therapist. You sound like a good guy... Just my $.o2.