I am currently on day 157 of my journey away from porn. For those who do not know, I was addicted to porn for over twenty years, and in the end was fapping to porn compulsively for 6 hours a day. Porn destroyed my motivation, my sense of self, and made me a bitter and twisted man who frankly was a pain to be around. Even I did not like myself, that was the truth, and I simply did not even consider porn could have contributed to my character in this negative way. Like so many others who gravitate to porn, I had some traumatic incidents in childhood, and even my adult life had some very horrible trauma's which were never resolved by seeking any help. The resultant stress which permeated my life every waking moment sought relief and I found that porn helped me to gain some solace, even though it was temporary and accompanied by shame. This situation kept going for 20+ years in which time I poisoned relationships which I had, and even had thoughts of self harm to end my suffering. Fortunately, sense and self-preservation were stronger than my negative feelings and I kept struggling through life, feeling like I was fighting my way through a jungle of problems and disasters Then, one happy day, I came across the videos by Gary Wilson, God rest his soul, who helped me understand that my porn addiction perhaps had some influence on my feelings. I subsequently found nofap.com, decided to give it a try, and like many others entered apon a cycle of small gains and multiple relapses for a period of time. But, I may be many things, but a quitter is not one of them, so I perservered, and despite a few one day relapses, continued on the path to recovery. I encountered the euphoria of the first 7 days, followed by the shrivelled up penis which became dead and lifeless, and the size of a walnut, and then came the withdrawal symptons. For the next month at least, I barely slept, depression was my persistent state and I had no interest in anything. I also started doing self harm to myself, nothing fatal, but stuff which caused a lot of pain. If these problems were not enough for 5 months prior I had an eating problem where I was basically starving myself, and not getting enough nutrition for both my body and brain. The result of the withdrawal symptons, self harm, anorexia, dopamine loss, and depression resulted in seizures and an ambulance ride to the emergency section of a hospital. Once I was released from hospital after a day, I decided that I was going to at least make my property better for any relatives that I left behind, after my imminent death, or so I thought. By working feverishly and physically hard for many months and sticking to nofap doggedly a strange thing happened. My seizures stopped and went away, my mood changed and became positive, my anxieties and social awkwardness disappeared, and I became fun to be around and a force for good in my community. In addition, my energy levels went through the roof, I felt better and more healthy than I had 20 years ago, and I regained the ability to laugh and have fun with everyday and minor events. Keep in mind, that I literally expected none of these effects, and was in fact expecting to die from seizures or some other associated medical emergency. It was not a placebo effect, or any other psychological artifact that the porn aligned organisations, some which are medical, try to portray nofap as being. Even my skin became better, smoother and more shiny, almost glowing. I am now eating normally, have gained some weight, but not too much, just a healthy amount, and life has completely transformed for me. It is not an exaggeration to say I have been reborn, and it is all due to nofap and their mission to save men and women from the horrible fate of porn addiction. Something else I did which helped me greatly was to lay the childhood and adult trauma finally to rest. I used something called EMDR, a simple technique which you can learn from youtube for no cost, and these trauma's do not have any emotional hold on me any more. This means no lingering anxiety or emotions from these historical events, and less stress as a result. So friends, I have outlined my life, not to complain, but to explain. No matter your circumstances, your age, or how hopeless you feel, never lose hope that your life can be transformed completely into something you can enjoy and look forward to each new day. Cheers for now.
