Day 1 and new member

I'm not sure how I heard about this site. I've struggled with this addiction for a long time. I'm happily married to a woman who knows of my struggles. Out of guilt of doing it, I talked to her about my problem. She didn't know something that could be addictive. I told her my feelings, how the urges effect me. She supports me in my battle and doesn't get upset when I fail. And I've failed often.

I'm not going to put blame on society or TV, it's my body, my mind, and I should have control over it. But the sex/sexy women that is on tv and movies these days really sparks the fire. It's difficult to watch a show and not have some sort of trailer, commercial or whatever suggestively hit you with sex. It's tough.

But I've obtained before, I made it close to 45 days. That was years before ever finding this site. So with my wife's loving support, my children's smiles as the wallpaper on my phone. The tools and support here. I'm going to beat this once and for all. I expect to slip and fall. But I hope I understand it's just a fall and not a failure.

 

So this is my problem time. I work night shift and get home as my wife leaves for work. I'm alone (nanny is watching the kids) and my routine has been PMO and then sleep. Sometimes I even wake up after a few hours with a hard on, and slip right back into the PMO cycle. Most days I would do it before I sleep and again when I woke up.

So I'm here. Reading and posting to keep my mind occupied until the urge passes. If I can get through this nap, I have an afternoon full of things to do. So Day 1 will be complete. I just need to get through the next few hours.

 

And like clock work, sexual dreams wake me with a hard on. And it's difficult right now not to just give in. What harm would it do? It's only natural. She understands. Just once and I can start fresh tomorrow. All the crap that's going through my mind, trying to justify getting my "fix".

Worst part is I'm stuck in my bedroom until the kids go down for their nap at 1215-1230. If they see me before, they want to stay up and play.

I should start leaving my phone out in the living room. So I don't have internet access in the bedroom.