Dating question

Life_of_Socrates_777 · Dec 20, 2022

I went on a date recently with a girl (my best friend's little sister) who is a super devout Catholic and she agreed to go out on a second date. We have almost everything in common - because we come from the same community of people - except that I have a checkered past and she has done everything by the book. For example, I have a history of addiction to porn and alcohol. I have also been married once before. For all my 20s I had multiple sex partners and lived an irreligious life. She knows this about me because it's a small town and people talk, but we have not talked about it with each other personally. I want to be able to discuss it openly and express my serious intentions but I don't know soon is too soon to get heavy. It seems like a Catch-22... I might not get the third date if we ignore the elephant in the room, but on the other hand maybe it's not appropriate for a second date. Anyone have any thoughts on this?

CPilot · Dec 21, 2022

Personally, I advise patience and restraint in this matter. If God wishes this lady to become a stronger friend or even a soul mate of yours, let Him direct your conversations and let this lady get to know more about you than just the community rumors. If she is someone with a close relationship to God, it could be that she can hear the word of God more clearly than you at this point in your faith. In that case, let her direct the conversations. If she asks you about your past, of course be honest with her but you need not bare your soul with all of the gory details that may haunt your conscience. She need not become your confessor, unless that is what you want. Certainly at this early stage, do not volunteer all of the things that you are ashamed of, unless she asks. There will be a time when you see it is appropriate to be more plain spoken - let God choose how and when to have that conversation.

Give this relationship time to blossom and be led by God. If it is God's will that the two of you become closer, bear in mind that a good Catholic marriage is one where each partner helps the other to come closer to God and His salvation. There may be times where the female is leading the male to Christ and at other times it is the male who takes the lead. Value God's wisdom and let it manifest itself through her and yourself.

Life_of_Socrates_777 · Dec 22, 2022

Thanks CPilot I will take your advice.

Life_of_Socrates_777 · Feb 2, 2023

Figured it might be fun to brag a bit, but by way of encouragement I wanted to share that not only did I get a third date but I got a fourth and a fifth and a sixth. She never did bring up my history explicitly, but in the process of our sharing our stories, it eventually came up. After an intimate, vulnerable discussion, our fears were laid to rest for the both of us in a way that brought us closer together happily. I think we have both a lot more respect for each other, and trust, and are encouraged to move forward comfortably. It's amazing what a little kindness can do, though it definitely takes courage and maturity to be open and honest. We'll see where it goes from here, thanks for reading.

CPilot · Feb 4, 2023

That is fantastic news! It makes me happy to hear of it!

Of course you are spot on when you say, it is amazing what a little kindness can do. I suggest it is not human's nature to be kind but it is God's effect on our hearts prompting us to do so. Her kindness in listening with an open mind and your kindness in making sure she is not fooled about who you have been are signs of God within your burgeoning relationship. Remain kind and you will be amazed at the blessings God will bestow.

Congratulations!!!!

Itachi? · Dec 11, 2023

Life_of_Socrates_777 said: ↑

Figured it might be fun to brag a bit, but by way of encouragement I wanted to share that not only did I get a third date but I got a fourth and a fifth and a sixth. She never did bring up my history explicitly, but in the process of our sharing our stories, it eventually came up. After an intimate, vulnerable discussion, our fears were laid to rest for the both of us in a way that brought us closer together happily. I think we have both a lot more respect for each other, and trust, and are encouraged to move forward comfortably. It's amazing what a little kindness can do, though it definitely takes courage and maturity to be open and honest. We'll see where it goes from here, thanks for reading.
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Bro good for you, I really want A devout partner like the one you have but I still have to work on the confidence aspect of my life to even ask girl out or get to know one

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Dating question

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