Dating during PMO-addiction/Problem with fetishes

Hello guys,

merry christmas to all of you!

So right now I am not even on day 1 of Nofap/no P.

Sometimes I think that it would be nice to have a girlfriend (its often because of sexual urges that I think that) but when I ejaculate then I don’t even feel the need or wish that much to have one.

I also had a date with a girl last time and it was really nice, I enjoyed talking to her and her company. But as I mentioned when I have ejaculated then all the real neediness for a woman is gone. Is that normal?

I don’t know, sometimes I am also lonely, but I enjoy being lonely on other occasions and don’t feel ready for a serioua relationship.

I also have a real bad sexchat addiction that is caused by some trauma I think.

I tend to humiliate myself while chatting with women and we chat about really disgusting stuff.

Can I even have a good and functioninf relationship rn?

I am also getting back into the Catholic faith, and sometimes I think maybe I am not even built for a relationship with a woman? Am I made to be a hermit or something like that? Or should I devote my life to studies and a spiritual way, a special task?

I guess I just have to life my life as good as I can and not chase women or aiming to find a woman.

I also thini I should start doing nofap for real now but I alwys fail at day 3 or 4.

What do you guys think?

 

I think that it might benefit me on the emotional side but it won’t solve my problems.

I think it would be better to wait and foght my demons.