Date for love, not sex

I think you might be reading too much into it. The threads that are about approaching, meeting and dating woman are just about that. For 10 people that will meet woman, there will be 10 different directions it will go after that; some will be super conservative, some will be super... fast. But the direction in which it goes is not the point of these threads. The direction you take, after meeting a woman, will depend on your own personal values and beliefs. The real point of these threads is to help motivate people to get up of their butts, get away from the computer, get out into the real world, and make themselves known to woman. Simples.

 

In the context of this forum, ask yourself what the bigger problem is; is it guys trying to sleep with as many woman as possible [I doubt there are many 'pick up' artists here], or is it guys with next to no social skills not having the confidence to get out there and approach? I think you'd agree it is the second right?

I think most here, who are trying to recover from the self-inflicted misery of P and M, would agree that the libido needs to be brought under control. They also realize they need to develop other areas of their life. What better way to achieve both of these goals than in the activity of meeting woman; you are developing yourself socially, and in doing so, in communicating with the opposite sex, you are less likely to objectify them.

And lets get real. Sexual attraction... sex... is near always the focus when a man approaches a woman. To deny that would be puritanical, prudish and childish. This instinct should not be repressed but instead guided. We all know how much damage puritanism has done to our culture. I'm willing to bet that over half the P and M addicts here have seen their pernicious habit develop in a puritanical environment where they never learnt to relate to women [truly the 'other'] in a healthy way. Yes, when I am turned on by a woman, and approach her, this is healthy, this is self-determined and free masculine energy looking for its natural outlet. But that energy is also constrained and channelled. Self determined is the key concept.

 

Yes, I agree with this. But this relates more than to just single guys [and I'm not sure there would be many chronic Mers who could suddenly turn their charms on to woman with huge success... this involves the development of a certain skill set... which more often than not flourishes with the confidence of a well-rounded personality, and is rooted in a well-grounded character]. What you are talking about is subjugating your natural desires [libido] to your rational desire [will]; getting the libido under control. I see a lot of married men struggle with this; they want to give up P, but are not sure about wanting to see their fevered libido weakened [is this anathema today?]. And then see themselves inevitably frustrated with their significant other, who may have a much healthier more moderated libido.

 

When the psyche is unified, there is no separation between the mind and the body, between the ideal and the real, between the public and the private, between sex and spiritual union.

But just distinctions.

 

I would like to read a post of your about how to love woman, instead of that tips&tricks of the pickup.I always ruined my relationships because of the pickup behaviours.Now i've realised that pickup is like a sect.
Please tell me how i can meet good girl to be my future wife, and how the first dates needs to be.Thanks

 

Well,Let's take this interesting topic in another manner. Forget,people here on nofap,let's talk about people in general.Most men take "Sex"as their base of relationships,sometimes women too.
In the following paragraph,I'll be using "you" as a term for a general person,so no intentions to offend anybody personally:
Now the first thing to notice here is that people,at least "men" experience something called Coolidge Effect(read yourbrainonporn website),which is basically the tendency to get bored with the same thing when used again and again.So if you try to GAIN something from your gf/bf/spouse through sex,You'll end being bored and frustrated.It's Natural,You'll end up disliking his/her body after couple of intercourses,or frankly speaking,the things won't be spiced up as your first sex.
Another thing is to notice that You AREN'T LOVING the woman when you want to be with her for sex only. Take it as a common sense understanding,and see if you like the EXPERIENCES you gain while she is having sex with you,or You love HER when she is having sex with you .Are you attached to you getting your Dopamine hits when she acts as an object for you or You love her and want her to be happy and be joyful and playful with you?
People have mixed up : LOVE and WANT. If someone wants you,doesn't necessarily means he/she loves you.With my perception of the world:in the beginning stages,People Love to Want each other.And someone who truly loves you would Want you to Love you.
What happens when People Love to Want? Marriages are good example of that these days.The Intensity of love before a Marriage is totally different after the marriage.When People Love to Want,and when they get what they wanted,they stop loving.The Romance level drops.Afterall,Why would a cat still run behind the mouse when it has already got the mouse in it's paws? And then,all sorts of problems start to happen,and they will happen for sure,because we're going with the way of Want/Lust.And then finally,Divorce.Game over.
And What happens if we Want someone to truly love them,to give them peace,joy,bliss in every form we can? Well I don't need to say more,the first post by @Loverofwife says it all.I truly admire him and her wife,because,afterall,relationships are a two-sided things. I would love to talk to you someday man.

Also,Remember that No two Beggars can make each other rich and affluent.So in relationships,at least one of them has to be a rich donor,one who has to forget his begging and act as a loving person.If both of them turn out to be beggars,of any kind:body,fame,money etc.,then only one thing will be present in your relationship,an Unsatisfying Want.

These were my opinions,everybody is free to have theirs.Also it would be interesting to have women's opinions on this topic too,so maybe with the help of a moderator,we can copy this thread to Women's Section too.

 

In case,if this was a reply to me, I talked mostly about long term relationships.
Also,Personally,I would prefer to love one woman completely than have incomplete relationships(friends with benefits etc etc.) with women.Yeah,they can be friends,good friends to chill out with,but the instance I enter into her romantic zone,I'll face trouble of handling two women at the same time in the near future.
Also,you mention yourself that : I'm looking to have a good time. which basically means,you love the experiences that a girl provides you,which basically means objectification of them by treating them as bags of dopamine hits.and Not to mention,you're a bag of dopamine hits for your short term partners too. It's an Illusion that You love them or they love you.
My opinion though.not forcing anything on you.

 

I get it, dude. They are also cheating themselves out of love on a higher level. They are preoccupied with expecting sex and may be missing out on someone that they would really enjoy the company of. And until they can figure out how to love one's self, they won't really know what they want and how to attract it. Sex is a distraction for these guys. A short term fix. If I could have a porn star, I might feel happy for a while. But when the sex dries up, what is left? And then you may pass a woman in a wheelchair, look into her eyes, and realize that you had never connected with something so beautiful on such a level before. To limit ourselves to the physical aspect of this is to deny ourselves entrance into lasting love. But it has to start with yourself.

 

Yeah,Thanks for the reply. You are free to have your opinions on that matter though.Everyone is in different situation here.Everyone has a unique way of having a good time,so it isn't worth debating on Good time,in my opinion.

I wish you good luck in your recovery.