Curbing your ambition: How productivity can push u to PMO

There seems to be a sort of bipolar effect in the Nofap community where people alternate between being really psyched up and motivated and then they relapse or even just one time and get all depressed, that pattern can't be helpful. At the same time, if you sort of just deal with the facts and reason out with a plan that's not 'sexy' or motivating even if it would actually help you progress.

 

I don't think your problem is goals. What your post makes me think, which could be way
off, is that you are letting yourself be flooded out by way too much social media, smart phone,
texting, and other kinds of media.

What gives it away is "Insta makes u feel like". How could a man ever take that kind
of media seriously? It's going to make you feel something about your life, goals, and/or
personality?

That is where I personally draw the line. If social media starts to "make me feel like", and
it's not what I want, then I'm out. And I am not on FB, IG, and the rest. I don't have those apps on my phone. I watch an hour of you tube before bed, then fall asleep to a bland video.

This crap to me is the same as watching a movie or tv show. I watch one, then move on. They don't mean anything to me, and if I forget the contents of a movie, I don't care. If I can't watch a movie or tv show because of time, screw it. It holds nothing over me.

You will have to adopt that mindset if you want to get some peace and find balance.

 

There is nothing wrong with having a lot of ambition but they wont get you anywhere without a good framework and a plan. Consistency is what is key. If you can stick with your plan even when you dont feel like it, then it is a good plan. If you are a couch potato and decide to run for 2 hours a day and run a marathon in half a year, you are setting yourself up for failure. It is ok to be ambitious but it wont help you to be unrealistic neither. Set a goal that is within the realms of possibilities and create a plan that wont require you to renegotiate with yourself later. Hitting the gym 3 times a week is a realistic goal if you are just starting out. Meditating once a day for 5 minutes. Reading 1 page a day etc. Stick with your plan no matter what. Make a plan that is immune against excuses. When you have overshot your goal for a few weeks, you can increase the difficulty.

 

I recently read a book named "How to break up with your phone". Internet/smartphone addiction can really derail both out focus and our ambitions. I did for example spend an average of 4 hours a day on my phone and my computer usage came on top of that! For now, I am tracking my time usage on the internet.

I consider Nofap forums relatively productive and informative but there are a lot of things I also could do instead. If you spend hours a day on social media instead of working on a business, you wont have enough hours in your day to get things done. Plus, it drains your energy. It makes you feel worse about yourself in the end. I am currently trying to cut down my phone usage. It is probably cut by half but I still waste a lot of time on it. The best approach seems to be to just do something productive instead. Turn off your phone at 9 pm every day. Charge it in a different room. If you still decide to use your phone, it will be a conscious decision instead of mindlessly picking it up first thing in the morning and wasting hours mindlessly surfing Tiktok.

 

I think the main problem is how the smart phone and social media stimulates dopamine.

People who use that stuff all day long, get hit, hit, hit, hit, like that.

So how it relates to NoFap is because I believe the hard mode is a time
of healing and recovery, which depends on a state of the lowest possible
dopamine stimulation.

When someone does hard mode, but they pump the dopamine in another way,
they are asking for a PMO relapse, sooner or later.

Most people disagree with the connection because they can't see it right
away, but it is the cause. And if they look at porn on a smart phone,
they might as well abandon the whole reboot idea. Ditto for video games.

Just one man's opinion who has completed 4 full hard mode reboots.

 

Finally someone admits it...

 

I have deleted all social media apps on my phone and installed something called minimalist phone. I can partly credit that for my current streak. Even Reddit contains too many triggering images. Even if you try to avoid the worst subs. Still I manage to spend a lot of time surfing the web. Less triggers away from the social media sites but I still encounter them every now and then.

Edit: I have also completed at least 3 full hard mode reboots

 

Yeah, I agree with you, and I don't completely understand why. But I definitely think
apps and smart phones are a liability when rebooting.

Congrats, belated, on the 3 reboots. Pretty awesome!

I'm older than most of the guys here. I was out of college and working before smart phones.

So it's good that I knew what life was like. Or what life should be like, how it should
have remained. But people gotta do what they want...

 

I did 233 days on my second one. 97, 233, 190 and 156 are my four.

I think the key is when I had a really crappy day, I didn't relapse. I usually see
2-3 of them during the course of a reboot. Where I have it set in my mind that
I'm going to use PMO. But I didn't.

It's a matter of going against yourself, going against what's easy, going against
what the brain and body want to do. There's another side of yourself that
knows that NoFap will have the power to succeed in life. This other side will
tell you not to relapse. You have to ask it, or pray to the Lord, and you won't relapse.

The other thing is a trick I use. You've heard of "one day at a time"? Pretend the
whole reboot is just today. Maybe tomorrow you do it again, maybe not. Let go
of the rest of the whole reboot. Just make it through today.

About loneliness, actually I think that 233 day helped me get over it. I was divorced three
years prior. Before that long reboot, I hated going home at night and being alone.
I freaking hated it! I wanted to die! It took 3 years for those feelings to die off.

Then I started to think that if I was home, it was actually pretty cool. I had time
to do what I wanted without judgment. I could practice music, mix songs, write
songs or lyrics, read a book, watch a movie, I enjoy cooking up a large pot meal
and breaking it up into small meals for the week, journal on this site, workout,
whatever. You can do a deep dive on hobbies, learning, research, for your career or
for fun. Keep on top of the stock portfolio. All that.

If there's one thing I want to say about women, it's that you can have it
one of two ways. Take your choice. You can be on the back foot, trying to
talk your way into a date, chasing them, playing text games, wanting
and finding the process very challenging.

Or you can get your financial game and fitness game cranked up. Then there's
going to be an awesome woman who is there. She's just going to be there.
You can't find her. She's there at the finish line. This latter way is better.
If you can believe in the process and you do the work, it'll happen.

Man, thanks for asking! It helps me to help others.

 

Absolutely! I truly believe in working on our purpose rather than chasing women. Women are naturally drawn to men who are ambitious and disciplined. It is also where we build character. Trough the consistent grind. We go and toss a coin into the well of fortune every day. We never skip a day. If we forget to toss a coin one day, we dont wait until the next day and throw two coins instead. We go back to the well and toss the coin. When we continue to improve like this. 1% a week or whatever the number is, eventually we will be at such heights that we will start to attract amazing people into our lives.

My longest streak was 105 days. I hope that I can make my current one my new all time best. I think 200+ days is what I need to be truly rebooted.

 

105 days is really awesome. I think that the gains out in the extended reboots are there,
but they are subtle. They aren't the big, robust type of metamorphis like I had on the
very first streak/reboot. But it's worthy to go get those kinds of gains because you can't
get them another way, AND nobody else will have them.

Yeah that's a good perspective on life improvement. Just being consistent every day.

The main place where I saw it was in the keyboard. I just made myself practice those
scales with the right fingering every day. Boy, it was hard.

Then after a long time, there it was. And I always wanted to get to that level. Totally
worth it.

 

Honestly, this is precisely why I chafe at self help in general. Everyone wants to teach how to get rich, how to be successful (in a hollow, materialistic way), how to be a Casanova, etc. However, what people should be learning is how to be realistic, while pursuing goals that are tailor-made for their needs.

The people who sell these self help materials or make the podcasts you described are sales men through and through. They sell you a dream, but then you have to keep paying to make it come true. However, everything these days is based on planned obsolescence; if everyone was happy with their one-time purchase and improved their lives, then how would these guys keep making money. Just like the brittle smart phones with screens that will crack with a single drop, these guys need to sell a product that seems foolproof, but will get desperate people to keep running back for more of the dopamine high that comes with being told what you want to hear. Trust me, the fastest way to get rich is to tell people what they want to hear, and then sell them a plan when the gospel you preach doesn't manifest results.

As for social media, I outright avoid the stuff. I've never used Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, etc. Every account I ever had on the older platforms I've since deleted, such as Facebook and Twitter (or X as it's now called). These platforms are a waste of time, and are designed to make people feel incomplete by comparing themselves to illusions. Not to mention the drama. I hate drama.

The solution is to be realistic. I haven't visited a porn site since late June, and I got rid of it adult comics and video games. That's good enough for me, but for other people this isn't enough. As for life in general, I think the best course of action is to pursue goals that are specific to your needs, and never trust anyone trying to get you to sign up on the spot or not be frugal.

 

Self-help people aren't any different than anybody else who sells useless junk.

All we need to know on this website is that if a guy will suffer through
the hard mode reboot, his life is going to come into focus.

There's no need for more help than that.

 

I was 43 when I did my first streak. I'd never heard of NoFap before that. I'd never
considered the idea of being taking a break.