Cuckold Problem, Need advice

Hi everyone,

I am new here and I would like some support with this issue.

I am 24 years of age and have had an addiction to Black C..K porn and can't get rid of it from my brain. It has completely destroyed my life and every relationship I have had.

I have been seeing a woman for the past month and a half and I have recently started bringing it in to the relationship again and now I feel like absolute scum.

She goes along with it because she says she likes making me super hard etc, even though I have explained it's not what I want but anytime I bring it up she goes along with it. She was with one person for the last 15 year's and he has been her only partner, she is very innocent (genuinely) and now I'm fucking it up by corrupting her with my poisoned mind and I am probably beginning to poison hers.

She does try and revert back to just me through the conversations though saying it's only me she wants and starts telling me everything she likes about me and telling me that if it makes me super hard that it's good for her too and that I can give her a good seeing to so to speak.

Now I am paranoid that she will be only interested in Black C..Ks. I am very protective of her and If I ever saw her do anything I would genuinely go ape so I am seriously confused why I am trying to fuck this all up.

BTW I have known her for a year before we got together and never felt the need to mention this shit to her and she calls me her alpha man but I am sabotaging that very quick with this shit.

I only ever talk about it over messenger as I would probably get angry if I were to do it in person, It feels all good when I am aroused and we are messaging about it but after i climax I begin getting very anxious and angry.

Any advice appreciated guys.

Cheers

 

Thanks for the reply. I am still worried whether she is only doing it for me to keep me happy or whether she is doing it for herself though. Not sure how to figure that one out

 

Nope, specifically avoided it. Feel like shit to be honest

 

That's solid advice that I needed to hear. We had a huge argument about it this morning. started by me of course after she went along with it last night at hers. So I can see the damage it can do. I will be going to therapy soon to try and sort myself out because porn has genuinely rotted my brain, watching it heavily since I was 7. I used to think all my ex's hated me and cheated on me because I was worthless/Inadequate, but I subconsciously manifested it due to porn, asking them to do stuff with other people, nearly blackmailing them in to it and if they said yes under the pressure I would go apeshit, (which is what happened this morning) It almost feels as though it's a normal thing to request at this stage and I really hope I can return to the way I was before I began watching porn. I have ruined atleast 7 relationships already with it.

Porn also drove me to go seek out TV escorts in the past (while in relationships) due to lack of self-esteem, thinking I wasn't good enough for women due to porn and feeling inadequate, turning in to a sissy essentially. But I have overcome that stage thank god and would never dream of telling my current partner that stuff.. so I can safely vouch that porn rots the mind. I probably sound like a horrible person but I hate myself for what I have done to myself, and others.