Cuckold problem, help

Hello, my friends. This is my history, hope to listen your advices.

My name is Victor, I'm from Brazil and have 26 years old. Before I told you guys about my problem, I'm going to tell a little about me and how i came to this.

I had, in the childhood, some problems about beeing very shy, not very good at sports and a little akward. I suffered bully with 13 years, and didn't know how to defend myself.

This changed when I got bigger, I lost virginity with 14, too soon, but I dind't had many sex partners in life, maybe 20 at all. I always had a little sexual anxiety, I don't know to say if it was for porn use or if I used porn to escape the anxiety. This anxiety made me lose erection some times with girls, but never was a huge problem, I always was sexually active.

Here is the thing: With 19 I had a girlfriend, we did a lot of sex and everything were normal, until I start to see porn every single day (I always watched, but not in that amount). At that time, I was watching and excited about swing couples video, like couple swap. And than, in a dark day, I saw it: cuckolding video, and get excited like never before. It's been almost 8 years seeing this trash. Actually, it was never an erection problem to me in that time. When I started to see this everyday, I was having less sex with my girlfriend, but still having! At the time, I noticed that PMO was reducing my libido about her, so I reduced the porn (not stoped) and my libido about her increased again.

With 21 I moved to Rio de Janeiro (city) and my gilrfriend stayed in our city, we kept with a distance relaionship. That was so sexually f*cked up to me! I started to see cuckolding porn every single day for 1 year (time that I lived in Rio). I was never faithful to her, so I wanted to have sex with another girls! But I was so in this porn shit, that I was just stucked in loneliness.

With 22 I moved back to my city, broke up with the girlfriend and be single. This was a nice time! I can say I'm a handsome guy, girls feel attracted to me, I made good sex with a good number of girls, my libido was high and my energy was the best! I never stopped to see cuckolding videos, but I was seeing much less at this time.

At this time, with 23, I meet a married girl at university. I was in her class and, man, she was beautiful! At the time, she was a model. I started to have conversations and to flirt with her. 4 months later I was having sex with her, a married women. I had sex with her, with my ex, with others girls, 2015 was a year that I really had sex. Never stopped the cuckolding videos, but not so much at the time, because at this time I was the bull, that was my fantasy.

In 2016 she got divorced, we start to date and my nightmare started. I was madly in love with her. She has a strong personality, so she was in control of the relationship. She was working, and making more money than me, my parents were seeing her like a role model and, when I realise, my life was spinning around her. I pretended to get married to this woman!

I stayed 6 months without seeing cuckolding videos during the relationship, but seeing porn almost everyday. But, one day, I started to see it again! Not every day, but I was seeing more desgusting videos of this kind of porn.

One day, the bill of 7 years of cuckolding videos came. I was having sex with her and started to imagine other guy f*cking her with me. Man, this was just absurd! It happened just one time, but showed me what i was going thru.

She was f*cking Machiavelli, made an image to me of someone she wasn't. Lying about beeing a woman to marry, saing that she just dispesi infidelity and that what happened between us, when she was married, was because she was in love with me. After 2 years in a relationship with her, like 3 months ago, she got a new and good job and, 2 weeks in this job, she cheated on me with her boss. She told me, and after that, I got her cell phone and discovery she was just a big lie, she was talking with another guys and shit. I was in a relationship with a promiscuous woman and didn't noticed by 2 years.

Man, one day before she had sex with her boss, I was seeing cuckolding videos! I just felt like trash!

When I was with her, like 6 months in the relationship, I had sex with another girl too. I told her, like to revenge or something like this. She didn't gave a shit! When I noticed, I was excited for she had sex with another guy! I broke up with her, but we made crazy sex a lot of times, including a menage with her and another girl that we made, that was like her "apology to me".

But, I felt humiliated! Every time she was saying things that were making me feel this way! And than, I started to see cuckolding videos with her, she liked! And I started to fantasy about another guy, her and me.

When I noticed, my life was a mess!! I was stressed, my relationship with friends and family was just horrible! I had sex with two girls after all this, and it was just horrible! I took pills to made it, because I feel excited just with her and with cuckold porn.

So, I made the right decision, took her out of my life, it's been almost 2 months I don't see or talk to her, but I'm still seeing this shit videos and fantasizing about me and other guy f*cking her (everyday).

I was with two others girls in this last month, and couldn't be able to have an erection, because my libido is f*cked up! I only got erections with videos or thinking about me and other guy f*cking my ex!

Man, I don't want this to my life! I know I made wrong things in the past, and what goes around comes around, but I payed the price, now I just want my life back! I don't want to think about her anymore or see any kind of porn, never again!

There is a f*cking princess in my whatsapp almost begging me to f*ck her, and I'm afraid to go and not get hard again.

My head is intoxicated!
Help :/

 

Hello, friends. I'm very glad about those advices, thank you guys!

I have solid convictions about sex, in my religion/culture it's just normal that you have casual sex (of course that in a health way), I always had a good relation with those womens that i had have sex. So, I don't see myself as a sexaholic. But I respect all the opinions in this way!

I don't see myself as a hard porn addict, I really don't see this everyday (nowadays). I was already doing NoFap, and I stayed 10 days without, 15 days without, but, everytime I was seeing it, was cuckoldind porn!! So, I was an addict in the past, today I see it more less, but when I see is this desgusting shit! So, I think my problem is the kind of porn that I watch, and the long time watching it (7 years)! But I'm pretty shure that porn sucks at all, It just make me a loser, reduce the sex performance, reduce the sex libido, cause social anxiety, intoxicate your mind with desgusting fetishs, and other shit things! So, I want to stop forever with any kind of porn! By the way, it's just abnormal you masturbate seeing a guy f*ck a girl that you feel atraccted with! Looks like cuckolding to me! LIVING IS BETTER THAN WATCHING!

The fetish there I have is a little bit different than the most cuckolding storys that I read. I'm very dominant at sex and at life at all, so I see myself giving the orders in the menage with a guy and my ex.
Just see her beeing f*cked or sissing me dosen't make me horny at all....

But, just the ideia of thinking about a person that made me soffer this way, and thinking about a guy doing her, even if it's with me, it's very humiliating! And, like I read, if I stay this way, it will probably evolve to more desgusting thoughts and fetishs!
Man, I know I'm not this person, I was born to be a winner, not a loser! It's just a phase!

So, my friends, here is my strategy to heal myself and my mind, please, give your opinions, they are very important to me!

1 - So, I'm seeing this kind of porn (cuckold) by almost 8 years, so I know I won't be heal in my mind just fast! That's my first step, accept that!

2 - Stop any kind of porn, not just cuckolding ones, but stop porn at all (forever if I can).
I made a calendar in the paper, and I'm marking with green the days that I'm not seeing porn! 2 months is the minimum goal, with other smallers goals (every ten days) to celebrate small wins!
Today is day one ☺

3 - Avoid any kind of thoughts about the ex! First because it takes me to stress, make me upset and very angry! Second, every time I do this, the fantasys just appear in my head. And, finally, I end up seeing cuckolding porn again! That's my cicle!!
I have to say, this is the most difficult step to me! I wake up in the morning everyday thinking about what she did, and, everytime I do that, my day sucks!!
But I know I'm responsable for that, I believe we attract the situations of life! It's time to be responsable for my life and get out of her shadow!
So, I'm trying meditation and new hobbyes to distract myself!

4 - Avoid masturbation! Not because of religion things, but because I believe we just throw away a special energy doing this a lot! Energy we can use at work, at sports and specially at sex with real people!
So, I noticed the more days I stay without masturbate, the fantasizing about the ex almost kill me in my head! And I'm pretty shure that fantasizing those desgusting fetishs is just bad as seeing porn! So, if I have to masturbate without porn (thinking about some health thing), just to give my mind a break, I think it's okay!

5 - Avoid any date for at least 1 month. The last two experiences were f*cking horrible! I coudn't get hard because my libido was in the trash and my mind was so f*cked up! When this happen, your emotional be very affected, and I felt myself just like a loser!
So, I don't have any structure right know to go through this again! So, if it's not my moment, I will just respect myself and wait for my libido to come back!

6 - Avoid to think all the time about my cuckolding fantasy problem! When I think about the problem all the time, I make it bigger! So I'm going to concentrate in other things!

7 - Avoid social media and cell phone at all! It causes me a social anxiety absurd! I'm giving a break about this prision called cell phone.

That's it guys!! Hope to read your opinions about my strategy, they are very important to me!

I'm getting in this battle to WIN, lose is NEVER AN OPTION! I hope to inspire and get inspired by those who live the same problem that I have!

Let's get it done!

 

Thanks, my friend! In the beggining I was doing such a drama about what happened, but today I see things diferently!
Sometimes, life have to give you a punch so you can wake up!! If I didn't got cheated on by this girl, probably I would had been continuing in sick porn! So, when this happened, I realized the urgence to stop porn and to look the way my life was going (mostly in a profesional look).
That's a gift, an opportunity that life gaves me to change myself! I'm not sick because of what happened in my relationship, I had been sick in the last 7 years, abusing of desgusting cuckold porn!
Got cheated on, for me, was like life saying:
"Oh, so you like this shit? Is that what you want?! So there it is, take exactly what you want".
So then, I had two choices to make:

1 - Stay with this girl and bring to reality all that cuckolding shit, beeing a f*cking loser

2 - Forget about her and everything about this humiliating habits, heal myself, and become a f*cking alpha, a winner!

Damn, I choose number 2! Who is with me?!

 

No porn for 3 days.
I will post my progress

 

We can make it!!

 

I'm on day 4! Wish me luck!!
My thoughts about my ex are almost killing me!!! Mostly anger and revenge thoughts, but no fantasizing!
Trying to keep her out of my mind!

But no porn, masturbation or fantasizing at all yet!! Let's make it!

 

Wish you luck, bro!
I felt depressed today, but I think it's normal when you fithing against a addiction.
I know we can do it! Keep posting!