Crying out of Frustration!!!

Well done for 147 days : )

I'm on 119 days and I'm still not where I want to be. I'm getting urges and flat line and it's a vicious cycle.

You wife has commented on your improvements so you are improving. It might take a bit of time and you have to be patient. You and I don't really have a choice. The other choice is to go back to PM and we know where that road takes us. I think you will see real improvements on month 9. It might take longer or it might not but really we both don't have a choice. You are doing well not relapsing whereas a lot of people relapse all the time. I'm just happy I'm not relapsing because sooner or later my erections will be super hard. I'm aiming for 2 years : ) If that doesn't work then I aim for an other year. If that doesn't work, I aim for an other year.

Some times my penis remains small but what can I do.

I think you should aim to have sex with your wife. No BJ or HJs from your wife. You want to rewire to her vagina. I don't recommend M while you want to have sex with your wife. Do not simulate your penis. If it remains small, let it be small. Do not touch your penis ever. Give her a naked hug and just talk. Be in the moment with her. If you wife does touch your dick, make sure it's slow and not gripped too hard. Give her some feedback.

Be naked with her once a week and see how it goes. Spend an hour together. If nothing happens, try again next week. If you can't have sex, then you can't have sex. Nothing wrong with that.

That's really all you can do. You don't have any other options.