Cry for help. Extreme urges.

I would recommend seeking out some 12 step program meetings. You could do an internet search for SA meetings in your area. I find these meetings to be an excellent source for support.

You're not alone brother, and there is DEFINITELY hope.

 

Hey bud. Hope you're doing okay. Let us know how you're doing and what's going on.

 

Nice to hear from you. There might be some meetings and other support groups online in addition to this community...might be worth looking in to.

Wishing you the best!

 

Dude, it's a matter of health and brain matter and chemistry and your endocrine system... it's all medical shit. You don't tell people with cancer that they need more discipline and willpower. Not to say that willpower isn't a factor, but of course you are a spectator to your own behavior, because the parts of your brain that are responsible for making choices is shriveled up and burnt out. I know lots of people with addictions who excel in all other areas of life, they are professional, or parents, or have good morals, and they have "good willpower" when it comes to their jobs or kids but they are powerless against their drug of choice (which is really just dopamine, isn't it?) Your body can't tell the difference between good dopamine and bad dopamine. All dopamine is generic. The only thing your brain knows is that it's releasing dopamine. So get your dopamine from somewhere else, you already suggested exercise, therapy, ... there's prayer and meditation, there's church, there's music, there's nature, rock-climbing, fine art, good wine, video games, cooking, travelling, reading, relationships, conversations, friendships, support groups, ... take a holistic approach, of which discipline and willpower is just one ingredient. You're not a piece of shit, you're just suffering from a disease of choice. Do everything you can to support your health, your mental health, find things and people and environments that really inspire you to be a better person. You also seem to be suffering from a lack of patience. It's just gonna take a long time, man. I've been at this for like 4-5 years now and it's still a daily maintenance thing. Forget about your streaks, forget about your shame, and take the long view. Big picture. Think of a line graph... if you look closely, it goes up and down all the time, sometimes big and sometimes small, but if you step back and look from a distance, you'll see the line was going up the whole time. Think of sledding in the wintertime... if you take that sled down the hill, it forms a path in the snow, and eventually that path becomes smooth and easy to go down. That's how your brain learns habits, and now you need get 'outside' that path and form a 'new' path, little by little. All that electricity in your brain is compelling your motor center to behave a certain way, and you have to undergo a new type of training. It's not gonna be like this forever, you just have to be determined to try again and again, little by little, one day at a time. Get mad and come up with a plan and take a vow to be honest with others and with yourself. What sacrifices are you prepared to make? Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Lean into the pain and be kind to yourself and treat your brain like it has PTSD. And whatever you do, don't. give. up.

 

I am just starting this journey so I'm no expert. That said I was doing serious edging and came across a great book "Dopamine Nation" which opened my eyes to what edging does to the brain and body chemistry. Hang in there and Good luck to you and me