So I rationalized myself into having 3 glasses of wine right now, on my third, but set a clear boundary that it would not lead to any edging or PMO. Slippery slope. I want genuine human connection, I yearn deeply for it. Could it be my impatience and unwillingness to tread the path of suffering through my obstacles over the hill of discomfort until I at last arrive at a relationship with a loving partner?
It's not an easy process, especially considering it's addictiveness and how common-habit it is for so many of us, but patience and will power will make your future well worth it!
So I am highly intoxicated now, had thoughts of edging. Lesson learned? I cannot do moderation, when it comes to intoxicants it is all or nothing, it's the very nature of mood altering substances that causes this, normal people can partake in moderation and imbibe without having to take it to 'the next level', but I'm a man of character and greatness in all things as my uncle told me, greatness in all endeavors or why bother? So I need to embrace sobriety. Not even a single glass of wine is permissible, I may as well eat a stick of dynamite. Anywhoo...I've somehow managed to dismiss thoughts of a PMO relapse with the inspiration of a beautiful waitress that served me breakfast. I am going to write a poem for her instead of edging to erotica. I am going to channel all these stirred up spirits within me into professing my infatuation towards this girl. I am going to realize my best self this week and go back to the diner Sunday morning and come on to this waitress with everything I've got.
That's weird... As a heavy drinker, my sex drive and libido goes completely away while I'm drinking. Sex or MO is the last thing that goes through my mind. I've read that beer and other kinds of drinks lower testosterone levels (and sex drive). I guess each person reacts different to alcohol.
You are absolutely correct sir. I'm not just on alcohol anymore unfortunately. Neways alcohol lowers, or worse completely removes, inhibitions. This can lead to deluded thinking, and not caring at all if performance is hindered. Grateful I've found a way to channel and ride out this intoxication without giving into PMO.
